Tuesday 31 December 2013

Great Random Moments In Fashion History

No 16: Cher tries out for the lead role in Pirates of the Caribbean: In Stranger Strides

Monday 30 December 2013

The Monday List

Ten More Talking Heads Who Are Compulsory On Any Pop Culture Clip Show

Neev
Andrew Collins
Ross Mathews
Patrick Strudwick
Kim Taylor Bennett
Kevin O'Sullivan
Nicola MacLean
Mark Webster
Emma Kennedy
Ted Casablanca

Wednesday 25 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 25 December

It's…























CHRISTMAS DAY! We're not displaying the Vs today – but not because of the goodwill to all thing. Sod that guff. It's just that they're out of shot because they were being flicked by us at GEORGE CLOONEY who came round to our HQ disguised as a carol singer in a tragic attempt to wangle a Christmas go. Bad Santa? SAD BANTER, MORE LIKE! Trust us, he was barely through the first line of Hark The Herald Angels Sing before we told him to do one, although we hope he enjoyed the Quality Street toffee pennies we pelted him with as he beat his retreat. Season's greetings to you all! Yes, even you, George…

Tuesday 24 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 24 December

It's…



















Sir Winston Churchill! We couldn't really have a V-signs calendar without including Winnie! We’re mildly confused – they say every baby looks like him, but would it be blasphemous to say that about the Little Baby Jesus? Oh well, history will be sad for we intend to write it, but not until we've stuck a mince pie (or failing that a Twixlike chocolate bar we got in a dozen-pack at Everything’s 99p) and a glass of this by the hearth for Santa.

Monday 23 December 2013

The Monday List

Ten Things That Will Inevitably Happen In This Year's Selection Of Hallmark Christmas Movies

A highly driven career woman will learn that work is not more important than friends and family
A kindly old man will turn out to be Santa Claus
Someone will have problems trying to fly/drive back home in time for Christmas
A rich, selfish businessman will learn to put less fortunate people before himself
A woman will put her perfect man on her Christmas list - and he'll appear
Someone will find themselves dealing with the letters children write to Santa
It will snow in a part of the country that never normally gets snow on Christmas Day
Someone will be magically made to relive Christmas day after day till they get it right
A widow/widower will be helped by an angel
The plot of A Christmas Carol will be recycled yet again

sadVent Calendar – 23 December

It's…



















Margaret Thatcher! In 2013, the world lost a great and charismatic leader. RIP Nelson Mandela! Er, probably best if we leave it at that…

Sunday 22 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 22 December

It's…



















Snooki! When we asked for a couple of satsumas in our stocking, we weren't expecting this. With fingers raised as high her as hemline, the woman who could get legless for New Jersey is reminding us how many minutes of fame she's got left.

Saturday 21 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 21 December

It's…



















Some old salt! Shiver me timbers, we didn't expect this response when we asked him if he'd like to suck on a Fisherman's Friend...

Friday 20 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 20 December

It's…



















Fabio Capello! Yes, the current Russia manager and man who took England to their most recent shoeing at a major tournament. Opposition coaches take note, as we think he's indicating that he'll be playing with two up front at the next World Cup.

Thursday 19 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 19 December

It's…



















Katie Waissel and Frankie Cocozza! Yeah, from The X Factor. She gets in because her name sounds a bit like “Wassail” which is all festive, like, and his sounds a bit like “cock” which… OK, bored with this already. Except he’ll be a shoo-in if we’re ever arsed to do another issue of Grubby. We’re just glad they spent a few of their 15 minutes of fame flicking these Vs so we could put them on our sad little tree.

Wednesday 18 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 18 December

It's…



















José Mourinho. Here the Special One hits us with a very special two! Feliz Natal!

Tuesday 17 December 2013

Festive Veg Vigilance Urged













When preparing your Brussels sprouts for Christmas dinner, be aware that eminent tattooist Guy Aitchison is fond of sitting inside them. You'll know it's him by all the ink and his magical light-up
T-shirt. He's one of the world's greatest tattoo artists, so it would be a huge loss and a crying shame if he got boiled alive or had a cross cut into his bottom – so do please check those greens first.

sadVent Calendar – 17 December

It's…



















David Labrava! Yep, another Son Of Anarchy, but if you object to this Happy chappie being on our tree, you can jolly well tell him yourself. Then you’ll probably die – like, A LOT!

Monday 16 December 2013

The Monday List

Ten Comedy Sketch Shows You've Probably Completely Forgotten About

Monkey Trousers
End Of Part One
A Kick Up The Eighties
Naked Video
You Gotta Be Jokin'
Let's Parlez Franglais
The Pink Medicine Show
Ant And Dec Unzipped
No Signal
Three Of A Kind

sadVent Calendar – 16 December

It's…



















Peter Steele! Oh Uncle Peter. Uncle Peter, Uncle Peter, Uncle Peter. Another year gone and here we are mourning your passing once again. But at least you left us with not just several blinding albums but this staunch V to remember you by. [Cue exclamation of “Oooh! Didn't ’e ’ave big ’ands!” followed by a chorus of “My girlfriend's girlfriend, she looks like you. My girlfriend's girlfriend, she flicks Vs too." Etc.]

Sunday 15 December 2013

Celebrity Christmas Shopping


sadVent Calendar – 15 December

It's…



















Carrot Top! Yikes! We were going to blame Monsanto for his (ahem!) unusual appearance, but if there’s one way this bugger HASN’T been modified (again, allegedly!) it’s genetically. Put it like this, you wouldn't want to find this carrot nestling between your roasties and sprouts on Christmas Day.

Saturday 14 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 14 December

It's…



















Heather Morris! Heather, alias “Brittany S. Pierce”, alias The Thick One Out Of Glee It's OK To Like, is flagging faaaaaabulously here. Sadly, this image will (allegedly) be fed through AutoGestureTM before being broadcast on TV, meaning it'll show up on the screen as jazz hands. Bah!

Friday 13 December 2013

Happy Birthday, Steve Buscemi!

Yep, Planet Sad's favourite weasel is celebrating today, so we thought we'd join in the festivities with a suitably seasonal shot of him coming to one of his many grisly ends. Yep, it's that woodchipper from Fargo, and all the proof you need that you should wear clean socks in case you have an accident... 

sadVent Calendar – 13 December

It's…



















Barry Ferguson! Another great example of the Sneaky V (see 3 December for more details). Wee Barry got in a heap of trouble for flashing the fingers while on the subs' bench for Scotland, but in his defence he'd been told the team was up against Iceland so he was merely showing his general contempt for Michael Bublé’s Jingle Bells and king prawn ring.

Thursday 12 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 12 December

It's…



















Ton Twelf Ronnies! Twelf Vs a-flicking. Quite possibly our favourite Fast Show moment. That is all.

Wednesday 11 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 11 December

It's…



















Himself out of the Rubber Bandits! Will they swap their Horse Outside for a reindeer and drop a sack of festive yokes down our chimney? No need, fellas, you've already gifted us with this frankly enormous V! Merry Christmas to yous!

Tuesday 10 December 2013

Great Random Moments In Fashion History

No 15: Madonna realises too late that going out dressed as the Planet Sad Christmas tree means she'll probably end the evening with Liam Gallagher hanging off her, flicking a V

sadVent Calendar – 10 December

It's…



















Viggo Mortensen! Ah, good old Rigor Mortisen. The epitome of manly grubbiness (or grubby manliness – same difference) would have our vote just for being au fait with the Laudrup brothers. But here he's excelling himself by displaying a semi-sneaky V in the gritty movie Eastern Promises. Apparently it's a film about Russian gangsters and not Fry's Turkish Delight, but we know who we'd like to find in our selection box nestled between the Toffee Crisp and the Lion Bar, right, ladies?













No, not you, Clooney. Just sod off, OK?

Monday 9 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 9 December

It's…



















Gwen Stefani! Hollaback Girl? Nope, it's more a case of "Don't speak, we know just what you're saying" when you jab that pair of perfectly manicured digits skywards. And given that you're married to a Brit, we're in No Doubt that you know too.

The Monday List

Ten More Music Videos That Feature Cheerleaders

Tainted Love - Marilyn Manson
Misery Business - Paramore
Beekeeper's Daughter - All American Rejects
You Belong With Me - Taylor Swift
Popular - Nada Surf
Give Me All Your Luvin' - Madonna
Destination Unknown - Alex Gaudino
Lucky You - Lightning Seeds
Fantasy - Ms Mr
Death To All But Metal - Steel Panther

Sunday 8 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 8 December

It's…



















Justin Bieber! "Biebster" has been going off the rails in this past year, getting into such scrapes as having a pet monkey confiscated, turning up to gigs hours late, flobbing off a hotel balcony on to his adoring fans and participating in various instances of unarmed Canadian hitting. We have it on authority that his behaviour became erratic after Wendy Craig turned up from the 1980s demanding her hairstyle back. And her retaliation when he told her a two-fingered no wasn't pretty.

Saturday 7 December 2013

Tim Burton, Brush Your Hair!


sadVent Calendar – 7 December

It's…



















George Bush Sr! Reacting to a "will you be boking up on your Christmas dinner this year?" wisecrack. Probably.

Friday 6 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 6 December

It's…



















Billy Casper out of Kes! Now, this is your classic Northern salt of the earth, working class, that's what I think of you and your chuffin' whippets V. None of your poncy southern Chardonnay-swilling V-signs round here, chum. Or alternatively, those fingers are just being raised so a kestrel can land on them...

Thursday 5 December 2013

Admit It, Rob Zombie, That's The Wife's Dog...


sadVent Calendar – 5 December

It's…



















Tig Trager! Vicious killer and colossal pervert he may be, but Sons Of Anarchy's Tiggy – played by Saskatoon's own Kim Coates – is strangely lovable. And a V this rigid should be outlawed!

Wednesday 4 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 4 December

It's…



















Liam Gallagher! Oh dear, looks like someone reminded Our Kid that Spinal Tap aren't a real band. Or stuck an All Saints CD in his Christmas stocking. Oh well, at least when he looks back in anger it's with a solid V raised high and proud.

Tuesday 3 December 2013

sadVent Calendar – 3 December

It's…



















Huey Morgan! Here, the multimedia personality and Fun-Lovin' Criminal is introducing the concept of the accidental – or, as we like to think of it – Sneaky V in which blatant rudery is passed off as an attempt to scratch an itchy nose or check on the progress of one's burgeoning five-a-side tache. As far as we're concerned a V is a V, so flick it however you like, Huey – you still win a Scooby snack. (All Planet Sad houseguests get a lucky dip into our tin of Minature Heroes. You may get a chocolate or you may come out with the wrapper-covered stone out of an Eat Me date. You have been warned.)

Monday 2 December 2013

The Monday List

Ten Bands Who Are Named After Songs

Stiff Little Fingers
Death Cab For Cutie
Motorhead
All Time Low
Jet
Right Said Fred
Funeral For A Friend
Sisters Of Mercy
Deacon Blue
Madness

sadVent Calendar – 2 December

It's…



















Harvey Smith! Matt's is not the most famous flicking of a V by a Smith – that honour goes to horseman Harvey who flashed this beauty back in 1971, and for a while at least a V was known by many as a "Harvey Smith". He claimed at the time it was a victory sign, but we know what we think. And either way, we (two-fingered) salute you, Harvs!

Sunday 1 December 2013

Happy sadVent!

Yes, try not to wet yourselves in excitement but we're doing the Sadvent Calendar again – and this time it will feature people flicking V-signs. And as Doctor Who has become a Christmas tradition, we're kicking off with…



















MATT SMITH! Apparently he was sending Vs by (rubbish) satellite link the way of One Direction. Rather than just giggling childishly while calling them One Erection. Hahahahahaha.

(Click on the picture to avoid eyestrain. Well, to minimise it, anyway!)

Friday 29 November 2013

The Adge Files














Pete Murphy out of Bauhaus. Bela Lugosi may be dead but pointy sidies are alive and thriving!

Monday 25 November 2013

The Monday List

Ten Artists Who Are Namechecked In Song Lyrics

Vincent Van Gogh (Vincent, Don Maclean)
Pablo Picasso (Where Do You Go To My Lovely?, Peter Sarstedt)
Toulouse Lautrec (Goodbye Toulouse, The Stranglers)
Rembrandt van Rijn (Dinner With Gershwin, Donna Summer)
LS Lowry (Matchstalk Men And Matchstalk Cats And Dogs, Brian and Michael)
Andy Warhol (Andy Warhol, David Bowie)
John Singer Sargent (Art Teacher, Rufus Wainwright)
Paul Gaugin (Saint-Saens, BA Robertson)
Rene Magritte (Rene And Georgette Magritte With Their Dog After The War, Paul Simon)
Michelangelo (This Is The Renaissance, Sparks)

Thursday 21 November 2013

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day

Pootling around in the archives of manliness, we found what at first sight appears to be a still from the exceptionally gritty reboot of Porridge. Turns out it's actually a film called Maximum Conviction (no, us neither), which puts together the dream team of ridiculous manliness, Steven Seagal and Stone Cold Steve Austin, along with - er, McLaren, Lukewarm and Bunny Warren, probably...

Tuesday 19 November 2013

Won't Somebody Help This Poor Creature?














Hapless hound Binky Hellbeard has found himself on doggie death row for the crime of LOOKING LIKE VARG VIKERNES. The pitiful pooch told Planet Sad of his plight – “I ain’t no Black Metal Bonzo. I’ve nicked a sausage or two in my time but I ain’t never stabbed a rival musician causing him to die in his underpants nor burned down no Mediaeval churches – honest.” Any lawyers willing to defend Binky on a pro-Bonio* basis and offer him a loving forever home pending an acquittal should contact Planet Sad ASAP. We haven’t got the foggiest idea where the mutt is, but if you’re that much of a soft touch, we’re hoping you’ll be willing to take THIS off our hands. Pretty please?



















*Yes, we really did sink this low.

Monday 18 November 2013

The Monday List

A Further Ten Place Names That Sound Like Old Actors

Compton Bassett
Wootton Rivers
Deeping St James
Eaton Socon
Sutton Gault
Walpole St Andrew
Newton Blossomville
Houghton Conquest
Ivinghoe Aston
Kempston Hardwick

Sunday 17 November 2013

Great Random Moments In Musical History

No 10: Supertramp begin to realise no one's coming to the launch of their bespoke comedy top hat emporium

Wednesday 13 November 2013

Amazing 'Ooh, Shiny!' Lookalikes

Yes, it's... Nick Mager (or as he's better known, 'Who?'), once of Fixx and now of such quality programming as Most Shocking Talent Show Moments, and ludicrously overtanned Real Madrid star Christiano Ronaldo. Somebody hand us the after-sun!

Monday 11 November 2013

The Monday List

Ten Music Videos That Feature Soldiers

Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
The Ghost Of You - My Chemical Romance
Army Dreamers - Kate Bush
Some Nights - Fun
This Is War - 30 Seconds To Mars
The Day That Never Comes - Metallica
Part Of Me - Katy Perry
Empire - Kasabian
Tonight We Feel Alive (On A Saturday) - Four Year Strong
Hard - Rhianna

Monday 4 November 2013

The Monday List

Ten Film Sequels You Probably Didn't Even Realise They Made

Another Midnight Run
Carlito's Way: Rise To Power
Pet Sematary 2
A Dangerous Man: Lawrence After Arabia
S. Darko
From Dusk Till Dawn 2
Lost Boys: The Thirst
Splash Too
Single White Female 2: The Psycho
Legally Blondes

Monday 28 October 2013

The Monday List

The Triumphant Return of Ten Pieces of Overused Background Music

Paradise - Coldplay
Ooh La La - The Wiseguys
Play Dead - Bjork and David Arnold

Too Close - Alex Clare
In The House, In A Heartbeat - John Murphy
Hot Right Now - DJ Fresh featuring Rita Ora
Hayling - FC Kahuna
Express Yourself - Labrinth
Galvanize - Chemical Brothers
Take My Breath Away - Berlin

Monday 21 October 2013

The Monday List

A Further Ten Words And Phrases People Should Stop Writing In Internet Comment Threads

Nail. Head. Hit
Check your privilege
n00b
There, fixed that for you
FML
Bankster
Special snowflake
Simples
Move along, nothing to see here
You win the internet

Monday 14 October 2013

The Monday List

Ten Boy Bands You've Probably Completely (And Deservedly) Forgotten About

Let Loose
Damage
3SL
One True Voice
Another Level
North and South
Big Fun
A1
Worlds Apart
Orange Orange

Friday 11 October 2013

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day


We think this is Sofia Vergara doing something ridiculously manly in a still from Machete Kills, but we're too distracted by the fact we've just realised that's where two of Sad Towers' best non-stick pans have gone...

Thursday 10 October 2013

Monday 7 October 2013

The Monday List

Ten More Great Tribute Act Names

Coldplace
The Likeness
Non Jovi
Stereophonies
Food Fighterz
Cheap Purple
Notvana (who may be a Nirvana tribute or a Jana Novotna tribute. We dunno.)
Razorlike
The Clone Roses
Really Hot Chili Peppers

Tuesday 1 October 2013

The Adge Files

Planet Sad's Cheltenhamshire operative alerts us to the spectacular Adge once sported by Walter Carlos, best known for composing the score to A Clockwork Orange and here seen getting to grips with what's either a Moog synthesiser or the bridge of the USS Enterprise:
Walter may now be Wendy, but her previous sideboard-heavy incarnation will always have a place in our heart...

Monday 30 September 2013

The Monday List

Ten Surprisingly Famous Actresses Who've Been Frasier Crane's Love Interest

Teri Hatcher
Mercedes Ruehl
Linda Hamilton
Amanda Donohoe
Marg Helgenberger
Jane Kaczmarek
Laura Linney
Shannon Tweed
Felicity Huffman
Virginia Madsen

Sunday 29 September 2013

Great Random Moments In Fashion History

No 14: Alan Cumming tries to explain that there's been a mix-up and he'd asked for 'a tart and suit' for the Emmys...

Monday 23 September 2013

The Monday List

Ten More Series We'll Inevitably See In The Spartacus Franchise

Spartacus: Special Victims Unit
Spartacus V Food
Spartacus and Khloe Take New York
Spartacus: Tattoo Apprentice
CSI: Spartacus
I Didn't Know I Was Spartacus
Britain's Got Spartacus
Spartacus Universe
Spartacus: Mums Know Best
Spartacus's TV Burp

Thursday 19 September 2013

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day


Things blowing up! Dwayne Johnson looking like what happens when you stuff a condom full of basketballs! Mark Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch Mark Wahlberg! It can only be a still from Pain & Gain. Damn, but that's ridiculously manly...

Tuesday 17 September 2013

The Adge Files: In Memoriam

Planet Sad marks the passing of David 'That Was The Facial Hair That Was' Frost with a special two-for-one celebration. Here's the man himself, in his peak of mid-Seventies Adge-dom:


And here's Michael Sheen, channelling David Frost just because he feels like it, probably:

Hello, good evening and sideburns...

Monday 16 September 2013

The Monday List

Ten More Songs That Seemingly Only Exist To Be The Basis Of Football Chants

Go West
Bread Of Heaven
Just Can't Get Enough
Speedy Gonzalez
Guantanamera
Que Sera Sera
Papa's Got A Brand New Pigbag
Land Of Hope And Glory
Ring Of Fire
La Donna E Mobile

Monday 9 September 2013

The Monday List

The Ten Most Unnecessary Film Sequels

Blues Brothers 2000
Basic Instinct 2
Look What's Happened To Rosemary's Baby
Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights
The Rage: Carrie 2
Teen Wolf Two
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls
I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer
Piranha 3DD
Green Street 2: Stand Your Ground

Tuesday 3 September 2013

Great Random Moments In Fashion History

No 13: Courtney Stodden realises that if she's wearing lettuce, that means she's left her underwear in the salad crisper again...

Monday 2 September 2013

The Monday List

Ten Authors Who Are Namechecked In Song Lyrics

Vladimir Nabokov (Don't Stand So Close To Me, The Police)
Sylvia Plath (Sylvia Plath, Ryan Adams)
Marilyn French (The Day Before You Came, ABBA)
Aldous Huxley (Run Baby Run, Sheryl Crow)
Edgar Allen Poe (I Am The Walrus, The Beatles)
Ellery Queen (Whodunit, Tavares)
Dorothy Parker (The Ballad of Dorothy Parker, Prince)
T.S. Eliot (Desolation Row, Bob Dylan)
James Joyce (Summertime In England, Van Morrison)
Harold Robbins (Pulling Mussels From A Shell, Squeeze)

Saturday 31 August 2013

Film Of The Day – A Hijacking









"Hello, we're Biffy Clyro. We've gone on this cruise holiday by mistake."