Planet Sad

The Monday List

2012-02-13T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Talking Heads Who Are Compulsory On Any Pop Culture Clip Show

Patrick Monahan
Ashley Pearson
Eggsy and Maggot from Goldie Lookin' Chain
Joel Stein
Martell Maxwell
Ian Hyland
Natalie Casey
Joe Mott
Zoe Lyons
Dan Wootton

Rock Stars Who Look Like Dinner Ladies

2012-02-09T12:33:00.000-08:00

No 19, Yngwie Malmsteen:

The Monday List

2012-02-06T01:00:00.000-08:00

The Ten Corniest Pieces Of Music For A Football Team To Run Out To
The Best - Tina Turner
Fanfare For The Common Man - Emerson, Lake And Palmer
The Final Countdown - Europe
Get Ready For This - 2 Unlimited
O Fortuna from Carmina Burana - Carl Orff
Kashmir - Escala
Ready To Go - Republica
Sandstorm - Darude
Right Here, Right Now - Fatboy Slim
The Boys Are Back In Town - Thin Lizzy

The Monday List

2012-01-30T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Music Videos Featuring A Wedding

Hot N Cold - Katy Perry
Tragedy - Steps
White Wedding - Billy Idol
November Rain - Guns N' Roses
Kiss The Bride - Elton John
I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco
The Rose - Westlife
Is It Just Me - The Darkness
Best Thing I Never Had - Beyoncé
If I Had A Gun - Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly TV Show Still Of The Day

2012-01-27T11:56:00.000-08:00

I'm Spartacus, with my huge sword and my tweaky little nipple. No, I'm Spartacus with my huge sword and ... (repeat ad nauseum, while you try to remember whether Spartacus: Vengeance is a sequel to, a prequel to or the gritty reboot of the gritty reboot of the original TV series).

The Monday List

2012-01-23T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Music Videos Featuring A Funeral

The Importance Of Being Idle – Oasis
Look At Me – Geri Halliwell
Haifisch – Rammstein
Helena – My Chemical Romance
Back To Black – Amy Winehouse
November Rain – Guns N’ Roses
This Ain’t A Scene – Fall Out Boy
Seize The Day – Avenged Sevenfold
Kelly's Heroes – Black Grape
Sonne – Rammstein

The Monday List

2012-01-15T23:23:00.000-08:00

Ten Gang Names Taken From TV Tropes.org We'd Like To See In A Remake Of The Warriors

The Magnificent Bastards
The Accidental Perverts
The Butt Monkeys
The Bunny Ears Lawyers
The Hospital Hotties
Those Wacky Nazis
The Large Hams
The Badass Grandpas
The Meganekkos
BRIAN BLESSED!

Manchester United Players Who Sound Like A Wetherspoon Chain Pub

2012-01-12T01:00:00.000-08:00

No 1 in the inevitable series of one: Ezekiel Fryers

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Clooney Film Still Of The Day

2012-01-11T01:00:00.000-08:00

OK, George, we will admit that you do indeed look ridiculously manly as Seth Gecko in From Dusk Till Dawn, with your full-on neck tattoo, your cocked weapon and your determination to wipe every last vampire off the arse-end of Mexico, but that still doesn't mean you can have a go...

Great Random Moments In Musical History

2012-01-10T09:52:00.000-08:00

No 6: Having perfected 'Blue Steel', the original Van Halen line-up make a brave stab at 'Magnum'...

The Monday List

2012-01-09T01:00:00.000-08:00

The Return Of Ten Songs By Acts You've Never Heard Of Before, Since Or During - Eighties Edition!

Last Night A DJ Saved My Life - Indeep
Move Closer - Phyllis Nelson
Searchin' - Hazell Dean
Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone - Glass Tiger
Love Is Contagious - Taja Sevelle
Body Rock - Maria Vidal
Waiting For A Train - Flash And The Pan
Call Me - Spagna
The Politics of Dancing - Re-flex
The Captain Of Her Heart - Double

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day

2012-01-06T09:09:00.000-08:00

Here's one-man testosterone apocalypse Jason Statham, road testing the recently announced proposal to let patients carry out inspections of NHS hospitals. Looks like he's not too happy with the frequency with which his bedpan is being emptied... Oh, hang on, it's just a scene from Crank. As you were.

Oi, Skrillex!

2012-01-04T02:41:00.000-08:00

Voivod called from the late ’80s to say they'd like their look back. Sort it out, love.

The Monday List

2012-01-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Things We're Really, Really Bored Of At New Year

Some bell-end setting off fireworks at any time later than 1am.
TV clip show countdowns of the year's most shocking events/most appalling people/most spurious excuses for a clip show
Having to find someone with dark hair to walk through the front door and let the New Year in
Live, on-the-spot coverage of the countdown to Big Ben…
…Inevitably featuring some wet git proposing to his equally soppy girlfriend on national television
Being charged £10 to get in your local pub for the evening
Jools Holland's Hootenanny that was probably filmed sometime in July
Family gatherings where you're compelled to play ultra-competitive games of Newmarket with relatives you barely know
Pubs that put up 'humorous' Re-Tox Here! signs to tempt in lapsed resolvers on 2 January
Chuffing New Year's Resolutions

The Monday List

2011-12-26T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Shows On Really TV Whose Title Is The Most Interesting Thing About Them

Can Fat Teens Hunt?
Dawn Porter: Extreme Wife
I Want To Be A Hilton
Twiggy's Frock Exchange
Who'll Age Worst?
Spa Of Embarrassing Illnesses
Baby Borrowers
Sex With Mum And Dad
Hair Battle Spectacular
House Of Tiny Tearaways

Adgevent Calendar - 25 December

2011-12-25T00:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAS!
Who else could we have in our top festive spot but Noddy Holder? We salute him for decades of services rendered to the cause of Adge, and the Lolloping Leafleteer, who has met him, says he was an all-round lovely bloke – which is what really counts during the season of goodwill, eh readers?

Adgevent Calendar – 24 December

2011-12-23T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's...

Jarred Christmas! Looking a tad forlorn because it's not actual Christmas yet. Don't fret Jarred, only one more sleep to go...

And On The (Gridlocked) Road To (Festive) Hell Right Now…

2011-12-22T22:42:00.000-08:00

Adgevent Calendar - 23 December

2011-12-22T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Cartoon Clooney! Sorry, George, we were going to let you have a "go" as a special treat for Christmas, but you're looking a little drawn.

Adgevent Calendar - 22 December

2011-12-21T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

JPR Williams then and now! If the 1970s were a golden era for Welsh rugby, they were a platinum era for ostentatious Adge. Sadly, Japes is not so jolly in this more current picture – possibly because he'd just been done for drink driving, despite having had the presence of mind *AHEM!* to suck coins in an attempt to beat the breathalyser. Or maybe it's because his once luxuriant ginger chops are now merely silvery shadows of their former selves. Get a grip, JPR – don't bring shame on Adge like Henson brings shame on Wales.

Adgevent Calendar - 21 December

2011-12-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Monkey and Pigsy! These two put the Adge into Monkey magic and proved, week after week, that the nature of Adge is irrepressible!

Adgevent Calendar - 20 December

2011-12-19T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Jemaine Clement out of Flight Of The Conchords! He's the one who isn't Bret McKenzie, whose Adge has already had a good going-over on Planet Sad (though not as good a going-over as all the fangirlies who liked Bret as that elf in Lord Of The Rings would like to give him). And – er – that's about it, really...

X Factor Rejects Who Look Like Dinner Ladies

2011-12-19T02:47:00.000-08:00

(As opposed to X Factor rejects who will probably end up as dinner ladies)

Number one in a field of one, Frankie Cocozza

The Monday List

2011-12-18T16:25:00.000-08:00

Ten Catchphrases Used By Guy Fieri On Every Episode Of Diners, Drive-ins And Dives

Off the hook
Out of bounds
Killer
Winner, winner, turkey dinner
Driving the bus to Flavour Town
On point
That's money
Here on Triple D
And that's all she wrote
It's bananas - and bananas is good

Adgevent Calendar - 19 December

2011-12-18T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Ludacris! Let us take a moment to admire a man who clearly designs his Adge with the aid of an Etch-a-sketch, a man whose entourage puts the 'ho' into 'ho-ho-ho', a man who inspires us to wish you all a Merry Ludacris-mas!

Adgevent Calendar - 18 December

2011-12-17T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Starsky and Hutch! This is the Adge your mother tuned in to Saturday night TV for, because who couldn't resist a man in stack heels and a belted cardie? Just looking at that facial hair makes us want to throw ourselves out of a warehouse window, land on the roof of a car and look at our bestie in a homo-erotic fashion. The 1970s were weird, weren't they?

Adgevent Calendar - 17 December

2011-12-16T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Tommy Craig as Inspector Brackenreid out of the Murdoch Mysteries! You know, it's that programme on the Alibi channel that isn't 20-year-old repeats of Taggart or Trevor Eve's Waking The Audience. Anyway, Tommy's role requires him to fail to solve crimes and be outacted by his Victorian mutton chops, both of which he does with aplomb. In his spare time, he supports Sheffield Wednesday, and apparently has a dog that claws his sofa (DFS, natch) when they lose. We don't know what it does when they win, because he's only owned it for three years...

Adgevent Calendar - 16 December

2011-12-15T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Pete Steele! Oh, Uncle Peter, why did you have to leave us? This picture is from his notorious photo set for Playgirl. We're told he had a massive wang but we couldn't tear our eyes away from his Adge!

Adgevent Calendar - 15 December

2011-12-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Mike Dirnt! You know, pointy sidies bloke out of Green Day, responsible for such classics as B-Adge-ket Case and American Adge-iot, but chiefly known for pulling a face that looks like he's been plonked unceremoniously on top of a Christmas tree. He's also got the world's dullest Wikipedia page (what, you think we put in extensive research on these entries when we could be sat in front of Noise Squad chowing down on hot and spicy Monster Munch?), but then he is a bass player...

Adgevent Calendar - 14 December

2011-12-13T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Jackson Rathbone! Out of Twilight. Way too fucking pleased with himself. Next!

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day

2011-12-13T02:19:00.000-08:00

Ooh, look! It's Conan the Barbarian. No, not Arnold Schwarzenegger, the other one. You know, him. No, of course we can't remember his name. All we know is that he appears to be entirely composed of pectoral muscles and carefully applied perspiration, and he's about to do something so unspeakably manly it will rip the fabric of the known universe apart. Probably.

Adgevent Calendar - 13 December

2011-12-12T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Annie Lennox, Aaron Johnson and Lady Gaga! In no particular order.

Annie kicked it off back in the ’80s by proving Sweet Dreams (and the nightmares of confused young men) are made of 20p-worth of velcro stuck to your cheeks. Aaron kicked ass and played John Lennon on the big screen – ImADGEine!

And OMG! FFS! (As the young folks would put it when they're not smoking, snogging or duffing each other up behind some bins.) Gaga, try to be original just for once, eh? Enough of ripping off of Madonna (M-Adge?)! And who hasn't danced blasphemously in their knickers while little Norman Reedus, barefoot and lipstick-smeared in their bathtub, tries terribly hard not to corpse?

The Monday List

2011-12-12T01:00:00.000-08:00

Nine Incidental Characters (Plus One Prop) We’re Strangely Obsessed With

Leonardo Acropolis in Blackadder – JAY-nius!
The bloke in a stetson who asks for Cristal’s autograph in Showgirls – Texas Sex Pest
Policeman 2 in Withnail & I – “Getinthebackofthevan!”
Planet Ay The Apes in Trainspotting
Jerry the pool boy from Dinocroc vs Supergator – “That I do, sir!”
The rasta on the bicycle in Thelma & Louise
Rob Reiner’s mother in When Harry Met Sally – “I’ll have what she’s having!”
Spike Milligan in The Life Of Brian – 'Yea, he cometh to us... like...' *gives up and stooges off*
Cynthia Knickerbocker, Zombie Killer of the Week, in Zombieland
George Clooney’s sex ramp in Burn After Reading!

Adgevent Calendar – 12 December

2011-12-11T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

The MastADGE, out of Stargate! Which probably has actual Adge under its locks and bridle, we reckon. We'll level with you. At least one of us has envied and resented this hapless, innocent creature for years, on account of it being hand-fed chocolate by James Spader before dragging him off for the ride of his life. Then we discovered that "in universe", the species went extinct because its native planet was blown up. That makes us sad.

Sad enough that we want to give little grubby Dougal here
a cuddle and go "There, there, there..."

Adgevent Calendar – 11 December

2011-12-10T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Huge Ackman and Liev Schreiber! Yes, we are aware that these prodigious sidies were grown for X-Men Origins: Wolverine and not just for shits and giggles – Adge gratia artis and all that. But we've been told by our so-called "friends" at HRT TV – The Channel For The Change! that either we include the duo or they'll cut off the early-warning system that tells us CLOONEY is at large and sniffing around for "a go". So thanks a bunch, ladies, but whatever – it's the season of goodwill, so enjoy these with your mince pie and scoop of Baileys Haagen-Dasz. Bah.

Adgevent Caldendar - 10 December

2011-12-09T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Christopher Lee! We were all set to post a picture of him as Lord Summerisle out of The Wicker Man, using Adge to accessorise a lovely yellow polo-neck and tweed – then up popped this gem. If ever Adge could impregnate a scullery maid simply by brushing up against her, then blame the indiscretion on a stable boy and, without the slightest pang of guilt, thrash him to within an inch of his sorry life for it, it would surely be this Adge. We also like Christopher's song about girl drinks from The Return Of Captain Invincible. Bottoms up!

Adgevent Calendar – 9 December

2011-12-08T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Dave Grohl! Lead singer of the popular beat combo The Foo Fighters, Mr Grohl cordially invites you to admire the colour and the shape of his Adge. He earns the Planet Sad seal of approval for being a man who appreciates the fact facial fungus is always a winner when teamed with items of ladies' apparel - check out the video for Low if you don't believe us, but don't blame us if you never look at big, butch truck drivers in the same way again. That's if you looked at them in the same way before, of course...

Adgevent Calendar – 8 December

2011-12-07T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Ray Dorset out of Mungo Jerry! In the summertime, when the weather is hot, this much Adge could cause fatal heat exhaustion. But it's winter, so bring it on!
Many thanks to the Lolloping Leafleteer for nominating him!

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day

2011-12-07T05:41:00.000-08:00

Ooh, lots of big men with machine guns, and Ralph Fiennes lounging around in a menacingly butch fashion. No, it's not a wine and cheese party round Planet Sad Towers; instead, it's a pic from a reboot of Coriolanus so gritty an oyster is currently surrounding it with mother of pearl. And yup, Gerard Gerard Butler is lurking in the background, probably doing penance for that awful rom com he made with Jennifer Aniston and wishing he was back in SPAAARTAAAA!...

Adgevent Calendar – 7 December

2011-12-06T16:19:00.000-08:00

It's…

Paul Bettany! He's something of a serial Adge-fender, sporting sidies in (at the very least) Creation and Master And Commander – The Far Side Of The World. In the former, he plays Charles Darwin and the latter sees him visit the Galap-Adge-gos Islands, doubtless on a quest to classify face fuzz as a Natural Selection/Survival Of The Fittest-type thing – like it gives Evolution something to hang on to, perhaps. Anyway, Bettany, we've rumbled you, and if you'd be so kind as to nip down to 4 December, Edgar Winter and his brother Johnny would like a word with you about your role in The Da Vinci Code…

The (Free)View From Planet Sad

2011-12-05T17:01:00.000-08:00

We were going to review The Referees DVD for you, but we now suspect our copy may be a knock-off.

Adgevent Calendar - 6 December

2011-12-05T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Lion-O out of Thundercats!
No, this isn't the steroid Pokémon/teatime cartoon version we were expecting. In fact it looks more like Wolverine (or, OK, Marcus Akin off of Big Brother 10) did it with Rihanna and then it was who'd have thought it. (By which we mean she gave viviparous birth.) But it's got better Adge than any other picture of Lion-O, and it's all about Adge right now so this is what we went with.

The Monday List

2011-12-05T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Celebrity Great Long Jessies

Luke Charteris
Darren Boyd
Bruce Spence
Alexander Skarsgård
Will Ferrell
Peter Steele (RIP)
Donald Sutherland
RuPaul
Krist Novoselic
Neil Flynn

Adgevent Calendar – 5 December

2011-12-04T16:04:00.000-08:00

It's…

Starburns out of Community! Because Adge doesn't get more festive than this, unless you happen to have the entire Nativity on your chops and a Little Donkey topiary in your shirt moustache or something. We'd stick him on top of the Christmas tree, but we have other plans for that. Oh yes we do...

Adgevent Calendar – 4 December

2011-12-03T16:00:00.000-08:00

It's…

Edgar Winter! Something for the gentlemen this time! An anagram of his name is "Adge Twin Err", so double the kudos for that. And it's, like, winter too. But he mucks it up a bit for himself with this, aside from the obvious jabot crime:

Us? Planet Sad? Listening to music for PEOPLE? Oh here go hell come!

Adgevent Calendar – 3 December

2011-12-03T02:13:00.000-08:00

It's…

RichADGE ADGEmitage! Gisburne with sideburns! Something for the laydeez, especially our mates at HRT TV – The Channel For The Change!

Adgevent Calendar – 2 December

2011-12-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

It's…

Jim Kelly! Because we love his Adge-fro and as well as kicking bum as Williams in Enter The Dragon, he's also been in films called Black Belt Jones, Black Belt Jones 2, Hot Potato, Afro Ninja and The Amazing Mr No Legs. Look them up if you don't believe us.

Adgevent Is Upon Us!

2011-11-30T16:52:00.000-08:00

Following the (ahem!) success of last year's Sadvent Calendar, we're doing the same thing again this year. But with sideburns. And to kick things off, here's the trope namer himself…

Mr Adge Cutler! Fire up the comboine ’arvester and mull yer zoider! Oh, and click on the picture if you want to avoid eyestrain!

Football Managers Who Look Like Maths Teachers

2011-11-29T04:06:00.000-08:00

No 8, Jurgen Klopp, Borussia Dortmund

The Monday List

2011-11-28T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Default Answers In Any Episode Of Pointless

The Netherlands
Dire Straits
Emile Heskey
Antimony
Futurama
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Kyrgyzstan
Dag Hammarskjöld
Gelsenkirchen
Dark Side Of The Moon

Amazing Pointless Lookalikes!

2011-11-23T15:04:00.000-08:00

The Bear from Bo' Selecta! and Richard "Pointless Friend" Osman.

"Shut up, Xander, you knob jockey! What he's trying to say is if one of you rasclarts gives a Pointless answer, my tail will pop out. Unless the answer is CHRISTINE HAMILTON! CHRISTINE HAMILTON! CHRISTINE HAMILTON!"

(And have you EVER seen either of them NOT sitting down in his chair? We rest our case.)

The Monday List

2011-11-21T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten New Gangs We'd Like To See In A Remake Of The Warriors

The Rugby Sevens
The Red-Headed Stepchildren
The Skinny Lattes
The Puppy Boys
The Fucko The Clowns
The Muscle Marys
The Preening Lovelies
The Dominant Size Queens
The Jam Villains
The Griff Rhys Riffs

And, arguably, The Not Appearing In This Films

It's A Cat That Looks Like Margaret Rutherford!

2011-11-17T07:02:00.001-08:00

The Monday List

2011-11-14T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Songs You've Never Heard Of Before, Since Or During - Eighties Edition!

History, Mai Tai
I Can't Wait, Nu Shooz
It's Too High, Matt Fretton
Da Da Da, Trio
Let The Music Play, Shannon
Rhythm Of The Jungle, The Quick
Obsession, Animotion
Somebody's Watching Me, Rockwell
Tantalise, Jimmy The Hoover
Funkytown, Lipps Inc.

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

2011-11-11T13:32:00.001-08:00

This rugby player brings SHAME on his COUNTRY.

Oh, do naff orf, Tindall – we don't mean you, we mean HIM.

The Adge Files

2011-11-07T17:32:00.001-08:00

Magnificent salty old sidies, courtesy of the late Robert Shaw as Captain Quint, out of Jaws.

We're guessing somebody got their gills tickled as those beauties went down. Farewell and adieu to ye!

Raul Meireles, Please Come Home!

2011-11-07T02:17:00.000-08:00

The rest of Rammstein miss you...

The Monday List

2011-11-07T01:00:00.000-08:00

Ten Actors Who Prove You Can Go From Taggart To Hollywood

John Hannah
Ken Stott
Ewen Bremner
Dougray Scott
Henry Ian Cusick
Alan Cumming
Greg Wise
Aiden Gillett
Robert Carlyle
Jason Isaacs

Amazing X-Horny Lookalikes!

2011-11-01T03:02:00.001-07:00

X Factor wannabe Misha B and the KLF's Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu

The Monday List

2011-10-31T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Things We're Really, Really Bored Of With Hallowe'en

Slutty Hallowe'en costumes, especially nurses and policewomen
TV companies who think it's not at all predictable to screen one of the Hallowe'en films on the night
Ineptly carved pumpkin lanterns
Anything being described as 'spooktacular'
Blokes who jump at the excuse to dress in drag a bit too eagerly
Cynical 'gruesome' versions of things, like Jaffa Cakes with ghoulish green goo that are just the same old Jaffa Cakes with different food colouring
Kids setting off all the dancing witches and skeletons on the supermarket shelf
Parties where you're forced to bob for apples and play 'murder in the dark'
Puns about 'ghoulies' and 'putting the willies up you'
Trick or chuffing Treaters

Ioan Gruffudd Is Very Disappointed In You

2011-10-28T06:10:00.000-07:00

Football Managers Who Look Like Dinner Ladies

2011-10-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

No 7: Neil Warnock, QPR

Amazing 'How Bizarre' Lookalikes!

2011-10-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

Gordon Smart from the Sun's Bizarre column and Joel McHale from - er - taking the mickey out of people who appear in the Sun's Bizarre column, probably...

The Monday List

2011-10-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Guests Who Appear To Be Compulsory On Any Comedy Panel Show

Jack Whitehall
Miranda Hart
Greg Davies
David Mitchell
John Bishop
Reginald D. Hunter
Shappi Khorsandi
Jimmy Carr
Sean Lock
Andi Osho

Rock Stars Who Look Like Crazy Cat Ladies

2011-10-21T02:20:00.000-07:00

No 1 in what is a field with very little competition: Mikkey Dee, Motorhead

Planet Sad At The Movies

2011-10-18T15:34:00.000-07:00

Click on the image to avoid eyestrain!

The Monday List 2 (Topical Bonus Edition)

2011-10-17T01:06:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Utter Cocks As Voted For By Welsh Rugby Fans

Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Gavin Henson
Alain Rolland

The Monday List

2011-10-17T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Tiny Man/Huge Wife Combos

Bernie and Flavia Ecclestone
Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman
Mick Jagger and L'wren Scott
Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni
Jamie Cullum and Sophie Dahl
Sylvester Stallone and Brigitte Nielsen
Mickey and Jan Rooney
Dudley Moore and Susan Anton
Andrea Vianini and Jodie Kidd

Following A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE...

2011-10-15T04:12:00.000-07:00

Sam Warburton is comforted by Thing out of The Addams Family.

Rock Stars Who Look Like They've Just Sat On Something Sharp

2011-10-14T02:29:00.001-07:00

No 3: Michael Monroe

The Monday List

2011-10-10T01:00:00.000-07:00

The Ten Most Professionally Gobby Celebrities

Sally Bercow
Liam Gallagher
Pete Burns
Margi Clarke
Jon Gaunt
Terry Christian
Lily Allen
Robbie Williams
Kelly Osbourne
Any woman who's ever appeared on The Real Housewives Of New Jersey

The Adge Files

2011-10-08T00:52:00.001-07:00

French Rugby Union No5 Maxime Médard

"JPR who?"

The Monday List

2011-10-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Book Genres We're Really, Really Bored Of

Autobiographies of 23-year-old footballers
Jeremy Clarkson sneering at stuff
Anything that can be filed under 'mind, body and spirit'
Memoirs from people whose parents forced them to subsist on bleach and gravel
Tales from curmudgeons whose faith in humanity was restored by a cute, fluffy pet
Novels that took Katie Price's ghostwriter a lunchtime to knock off
Christmas cash-ins featuring characters invented for adverts
Vampire/werewolf love triangles
Cook books with recipes too complicated for the average reader to attempt
Chuffing Sudoku

Amazing Lookalikes!

2011-10-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

David Beckham makes a passable stab at DP Gumby despite foregoing the knotted hanky and any visible signs of a brain.

Great Random Moments In Fashion History

2011-09-30T02:11:00.000-07:00

No 8. Joel McHale prepares to spend a night at the Emmys being mistaken for the drinks waiter:

Football Managers Who Look Like Some Bloke Out Of The Hospitality Lounge

2011-09-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

Number one in a series of - yep, that's right...

Andy Thorn, Coventry:

The Monday List

2011-09-26T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Boys' Names No One Gives Babies Any More

Reginald
Ernest
Horace
Ronald
Osbert
Gervaise
Ralph
Hubert
Enoch
Leonard

The Monday List

2011-09-19T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Girls' Names No One Gives Babies Any More

Gladys
Ethel
Avis
Phyllis
Ena
Doris
Hetty
Ada
Bunty
Norma

Football Managers Who Look Like Maths Teachers

2011-09-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

No 7: Walter Mazzarri, Napoli

Amazing 'Gregory's Girl' Lookalike

2011-09-14T01:40:00.000-07:00

John Gordon Sinclair and Andre Villas Boas. One's best known for being involved with a football team that has a girl playing up front, and the other one's John Gordon Sinclair...

The Monday List

2011-09-12T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Men Who May Have Had A Teensy Bit Of Cosmetic Work Done

Barry Manilow
Bruce Jenner
Pete Burns
David Gest
Mickey Rourke
Carrot Top
Kenny Rogers
Axl Rose
Burt Reynolds
Rupert Everett

Things We'd Pay To See – No1 in a series of however many we can be arsed doing this time

2011-09-08T13:01:00.000-07:00

Gene Hunt breaks up an apocalyptic hair-off between Gerard Depardieu and Javier Bardem.

Gerard – "But zere are no trees for ze poor, lost poor children. Decay is zeir toy. Despair is zeir game. Zey have only chaos to climb... Hé, m'sieur, you got a beaune steecking out your arm."

Javier – "..."

The Monday List

2011-09-05T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Women Who May Have Had A Teensy Bit Of Cosmetic Work Done

Anne Robinson
LaToya Jackson
Tawny Kitaen
Melanie Griffith
Sharon Osborne
Ally Walker
Faye Dunaway
Donatella Versace
Joan Rivers
Leslie Ash

Get Up, I Feel Like Being An Amazing Lookalike!

2011-08-30T01:00:00.000-07:00

James LaBrie, lead singer of Dream Theater and Sex Machine, of From Dusk Till Dawn. Only one of these men has a gun built into his trouser crotch - as far as we know...

The Monday List

2011-08-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Films/TV Shows Whose Title Is The Most Interesting Thing About Them

Robin Hood: Men In Tights
Dog Borstal
Badly Dubbed Porn
Hell Comes To Frogtown
101 Things Removed From The Human Body
World Famous For Dicking Around
Hot Tub Time Machine
Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death
Farm Of Fussy Eaters
Hobo With A Shotgun

Rock Stars Who Look Like They've Just Sat On Something Sharp

2011-08-27T02:00:00.000-07:00

No 2: Rudy Schenker, Scorpions

Amazing 'Resign Yourself To This, Peter' Lookalikes

2011-08-26T05:57:00.000-07:00

Very recently departed Bradford manager, Peter Jackson, and Asia frontman John Wetton. Heat of the moment decision to quit, eh, Peter?

The Monday List

2011-08-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Celebrities Who Own Restaurants

Dan Aykroyd
Lee Dixon
Jennifer Lopez
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Eva Longoria
Julian Lennon
Alice Cooper
Gladys Knight
Jamie Carragher
Robert De Niro

Football Managers Who Look Like Maths Teachers

2011-08-19T01:50:00.000-07:00

No 6: Sven Goran Eriksson, Leicester

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

2011-08-18T14:37:00.000-07:00

Gavin Henson in the trailer for The Bachelor.

With his sub-Bo Derek acting ability and risible "Hopkirk Deceased does a budget tampon commercial" garb, he once again BRINGS SHAME ON WALES.

The Monday List

2011-08-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Celebrities Who Own Racehorses

Steven Spielberg
Michael Owen
Roy Wood
Burt Bacharach
Martin Clunes
William Shatner
Andrew Lloyd-Webber
Roy 'Chubby' Brown
Sir Alex Ferguson
Liz Hurley

The Monday List

2011-08-08T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Fictional Characters With Strangely Unfortunate 'Foreign' Accents

Mary Reilly (Julia Roberts, Mary Reilly) - Irish
Danny Archer (Leonardo Di Caprio, Blood Diamond) - South African
Mrs Doubtfire (Robin Williams, Mrs Doubtfire) - Scottish
Ryan Gaerity (Tommy Lee Jones, Blown Away) - Irish
Vicki Fowler (Scarlett Johnson, EastEnders) - American
Heinrich Harrer (Brad Pitt, Seven Years In Tibet) - Austrian
Joseph Donnelly (Tom Cruise, Far And Away) - Irish
Peri Brown (Nicola Bryant, Dr Who) - American
Groundskeeper Willie (Dan Castellanata, The Simpsons) - Scottish
Kobayashi (Pete Postlethwaite, The Usual Suspects) - your guess is as good as ours

Football Managers Who Look Like Maths Teachers

2011-08-07T05:59:00.001-07:00

No 5: Nigel Adkins, Southampton

The Monday List

2011-08-01T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Fictional Characters With Strangely Unfortunate English Accents

Bert (Dick Van Dyke, Mary Poppins)
Pete Dunham (Charlie Hunnam, Green Street)
Simon Moon (Anthony La Paglia, Frasier)
Spike (James Marsters, Buffy The Vampire Slayer)
Robin Hood (Russell Crowe, Robin Hood)
Lamia (Michelle Collins, Stardust)
Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves, Bram Stoker's Dracula)
Basher Tarr (Don Cheadle, Ocean's Eleven)
Joe Elliott (Orlando Seale, Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story), with honorable mentions to anyone else playing any member of the band
Emma Morley (Anne Hathaway, One Day)

The Monday List

2011-07-25T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Fictional Characters With Strangely Unfortunate Names

David Jason (Jeff Goldblum, Deep Cover)
Sarah Harding (Julianne Moore, Jurassic Park: The Lost World)
Tom Baker (Steve Martin, Cheaper By The Dozen)
Brian Moore (Andrew Airlie, The 4400)
Charlie Harper (Charlie Sheen, Two And A Half Men)
Jesse Wallace (Ethan Hawke, Before Sunrise/Sunset)
Ray Reardon (James Spader, Dream Lover)
Jon Snow (Kit Harington, Game Of Thrones)
Danny Baker (Cheyenne Jackson, 30 Rock)
Carl Palmer (Bob Mortimer, Catterick)

Football Managers Who Look Like Dinner Ladies

2011-07-18T07:32:00.001-07:00

No 6: Pia Sundhage, USA

The Monday List

2011-07-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ten Songs That Don't Feature Their Title In Their Lyrics

Song 2 - Blur
Rainy Day Women #12 and 35 - Bob Dylan
Unsuccessfully Coping With The Natural Beauty Of Infidelity - Type O Negative
Gambler - Whitesnake
It Must Really Suck To Be Four Year Strong - Four Year Strong
The Ballad Of John And Yoko - The Beatles
The Ketchup Song - Las Ketchup
Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers
I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco
The Seige And Investiture Of Baron Von Frankenstein's Castle At Weisseria - Blue Oyster Cult

Fooballers Who Sound Like A Character From A Guy Richie Gangster Movie

2011-07-17T07:24:00.000-07:00

Mickey Stones, Boston United

Planet Sad At The Movies: Three Films That Fail To Live Up To Their Opening Sequence

2011-07-12T02:00:00.000-07:00

Basic Instinct 2
The original having catapulted Sharon Stone's flange to worldwide fame, Basic Instinct 2 tries to cash in on a winning formula by having her character, murderous ice queen novelist and underwear-shunner Catherine Trammell, go on another rampage, this time in London. The result is an erotic thriller that's neither erotic nor thrilling. The ludicrous storyline kicks in with an opening in which she's driven through the streets of Docklands by former footballer Stan Collymore, stretching his acting chops by playing a current footballer. To prove what a kinky girl she is, la Stone decides to perform what we shall politely refer to as a Bon Jovi on him while he's speeding along Marsh Wall at 100 miles per hour.

He's either in the throes of ecstasy or asleep, we can't tell

Unable to warn him he's about to crash because she knows it's rude to speak with your mouth full, Sharon scarpers from the sinking car, leaving her hapless lover to his watery fate. While almost every film we can think of could be improved by punting Stanley Victor into West India Dock in the first couple of minutes, Basic Instinct 2 quickly turns into two hours of our life we'll never get back, featuring David Thewlis chowing down on a scenery sandwich in his role as the investigating detective, an orgy sequence that was so arousing we nipped out and put the kettle on and David Morrissey seemingly paying off a heavy tax bill...

David Morrissey is very, very bored...

The Covenant
Warlocks. No, that's not our thoughts on this particular slab of paranormal silliness, but it's not far off. In a small Massachusetts town, the four 'sons of Ipswich' rule the roost, just like any other clique of high school pretty boys with stripper names and limited acting ability, except they're descended from 17th-century witches and have inherited their powers. This gives them a certain cachet with the girls at their school, as the film's opening scene proves.

'Hey man, let's go magically stick a banger up a cat's arse!'

When the police crash the students' unauthorised party, the boys find themselves being pursued through foggy woods by a patrol car, blue lights flashing, all beautifully cut to the strains of Killing Joke's The Death And Resurrection Show. It's established that when it comes to wielding a wand, these boys make Harry Potter look like Sooty. Unfortunately, despite packing the screen with an array of gratuitous bottom shots and more six-packs than the beer aisle at Tesco, The Covenant somehow manages to make homo-eroticism boring. And there was so much potential for these characters to put the willies up each other, too...

'At least if the acting doesn't work out, we'll always have a home in the Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue'

American Gigolo
Look, ladies, it's Richard Gere, driving along the highway in his open-topped sports car to the sound of Call Me by Blondie. Isn't he scrummy? He's got an expensive suit, a big watch and shiny, shiny hair...

Those sunglasses are a bit dodgy, though

All you need to know about his lifestyle as upmarket male prostitute Julian Kay is packed into this iconic two-minute sequence. After that, it's something about sleeping with Lauren Hutton and her pointy hurty cheekbones and being framed for murder after doing something kinky with a client and her nasty husband. We think. We were just looking at the pants.

Well, you would, wouldn't you?

Rock Stars Who Look Like They've Just Sat On Something Sharp

2011-07-11T06:06:00.000-07:00

No 1: Dave Mustaine, Megadeth