Come On Andy Murray!

This message of support is brought to you by the Scottish Jimmy Wig manufacturing industry, who you are single-handedly keeping in business these days.

 

Amazing 'Token World Cup' Lookalikes!

Comedian Dominic Holland and England manager Fabio Capello

One earns a lot more than he probably should for doing what he does and has a fractured command of the English language. And the other one is Fabio Capello.

The Monday List

Ten Celebrities Who Look Like Nightclub Bouncers

Steve McFadden
Frank Bruno
Buster Bloodvessel
Ving Rhames
Brian Glover
Carl Cox
Marco Pirroni
Bob Crow
Dom Littlewood
Grizz Chapman

The Monday List

Ten Fictional Characters With Footballers' Names
 
Danny Wilson (Frank Sinatra, Meet Danny Wilson)
Paul Robinson (Stefan Dennis, Neighbours)
David Platt (Jack P Shepherd, Coronation Street)
Sean Devine (Kevin Bacon, Mystic River)
Robert Green (Alec Baldwin, The Edge)
Michael Dawson (Harold Perrineau, Lost)
Alan Smith (Peter Sarsgaard, Rendition)
Jimmy Quinn (Michael Moriarty, Q - The Winged Serpent)
Richard Wright (James Remar, Sex And The City)
Peter Jackson (Tristan Sturrock, Menace)

Tuft Love

Planet Sad can exclusively reveal that, following Christine 'too much gum' Bleakley's defection to the GMTV sofa, another BBC superstar is set to join her. Yes, that tuft at the front of Alan Shearer's hair has finally decided to detach and go solo, working on the theory that, to be honest, it has more personality than Ben Shepherd. Details of the contract are yet to be formally released, but it's rumoured the tuft will be on £1.4 million and three crates of Tresemmé finishing spray a year.
Mr Shearer himself was unavailable for comment, but we understand that on his return to England from South Africa, his first official engagement minus tuft will be to visit the children's ward at Newcastle General Hospital, where he will be talking the patients into a coma... 

 Must stay awake... Must not close eyes...

Jared Leto Looks Like A Cock

See?

The Monday Liszt

Franz Liszt
Composer and sort-of Father Ted Crilly lookeylikey.

Amazing ‘Hello, Hello, Hello – What’s All This Goin’ On ’Ere, Then?’ Lookalikes

The Kinky Copper out of Lady Gaga's Alejandro video and Howard Webb* out of being a World Cup ref in his old job.

Move along, nothing more to see here…

*OK, we confess. We've just been DESPERATE to use this pic of Howard.

The Monday List

Ten More Completely Unnecessary Cover Versions

Groovy Kind Of Love, Phil Collins

Run, Leona Lewis
My Way, Sid Vicious

The Lion Sleeps Tonight, Tight Fit

Knockin' On Heaven's Door, Guns N Roses

Beat It, Fall Out Boy

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word, Blue

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself, White Stripes
Stairway To Heaven, Rolf Harris
Teenage Dirtbag, Girls Aloud

The Planet Sad Guide To British Birds

It's that time of year when Springwatch is on TV again, providing the nation with lovingly filmed, high-definition footage of small, adorable woodland creatures being munched by larger and more aggressive woodland creatures. And foxes. Lots and lots and lots of foxes. But we're slightly reluctant to take nature advice from a team consisting of two people who don't appear to brush their hair and a heterosexual man who owns poodles.

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

So here's the Planet Sad Guide To British Birds, compiled by taking a quick peek out of the bedroom curtains when we finally woke up some time this afternoon.

The Sparrow

According to the RSPB, the sparrow is much less common than it used to be. This is mostly due to it taking elocution lessons and learning how to get out of a low-slung sports car without flashing its knickers.

The Starling 

Starlings are greedy and quarrelsome, and can be recognised by their distinctive cry of, 'D'you want some?' They can often be seen hanging round off-licences trying to persuade bigger birds to buy them cans of Polish white cider.

The Great Tit

Great tits exist purely to provide punchlines to jokes in Carry On... films.

The Crow

The Drab-looking Brown One

As you can probably tell, Hole In The Wall had started by this point, and we kind of lost interest. However, our brief foray into twitching revealed that the most frequent visitor to the back garden at Planet Sad Towers is still...

 

Rock Stars Who Look Like Dinner Ladies

No 6: Andy Summers, The Police

 

Fate Has Not Been Kind: Top Ways Steve Buscemi Has Come To A Grisly End In Film

It's a slow afternoon here at Planet Sad (but then when isn't it?), so we decided we'd ring up Steve Buscemi - you know, the shifty-looking one from Ghost World, The Big Lebowski and Things To Do In Denmark When You're Deaf (or whatever it's called) - and quiz him on a career which has mostly involved playing minor hoods who bleed to death in an amusing way. He was out - shopping down Thurrock, probably - so while Freda's gone to stand in his front garden till he gets back, here's a list of some of his most notable film exits. This list may contain spoilers, but do you think we care?

1) Fed into a wood chopper in Fargo

2) Beaten to the 'slow leakage of innards' role in Reservoir Dogs by Tim Roth

3) Offed by Treat Williams and his eff-off great shotgun in Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead

4) Spends £10 million-worth of the Mafia's money on drugs and whores (as you do) then, just when you think he's bound to buy the farm, remarkably survives to face the wrath of the Mob in Armageddon

'What did you expect me to do? Invest it in an ISA?'

5) Prison sentence for crimes against non-metal fans in Airheads
6) Driven slowly berserk over a very long period of time (mostly by dwarves) in Living In Oblivion
7) Murdered by Vince Vaughan for being a bit sleazy, really, in Domestic Disturbance
8) Takes two of Danny Trejo’s throwing knives in the vitals in Desperado, though it's likely he'd already been mortally wounded by Danny's murderous glare
9) Gets away unscathed in Con Air, just for all those of you who complain that he always comes to a nasty end...

Amazing 'Those Who Find Themselves Ridiculous' Lookalikes!

Ming The Merciless and Tim Booth out of James

'Those who want to kill Flash Gordon, sit down next to me...'