Meanwhile, In Bruges...

'OK, Colin, so we've had a couple of fist-fights, had a run in with a dwarf, driven Ralph Fiennes into a murderous frenzy and used the f-word 479 times. Shall we go and buy a pair of chocolate tits to cheer ourselves up?'

The Monday List

Ten Belgian Beers With Religious-themed Names

Duvel (Devil)
Agnus Dei
Judas
Verboden Vrucht (Forbidden Fruit)
Satan
Moeder Overste (Mother Superior)
Pater Noster
Lucifer
Joseph
Zonderik (Sinner)

Meanwhile, On The Set Of Movie 43...

'Sorry, Gerard, but this tape's not coming off until you promise not to make any more duff romantic comedies with Jennifer Aniston.'

The Adge Files - Les Miserables Edition

First eager young French revolutionary: 'Times are hard, mon brave. The peasants are starving, Anne Hathaway's just flogged her last remaining molars to buy a mouldy loaf, and I'm having awful problems holding that high C before the rallentando. What can we do to help our people be free from this terrible oppression?'
Second eager French revolutionary: 'Huh, you think you've got problems? When they transfer the production to the West End, I'm going to be played that blond, weaselly one out of S Club 7....'

The Monday List

Ten Channels On Your Sky EPG You'll Never Actually Watch

Travel Channel +1
Horse and Country
Klear TV
Showcase
My Channel
Luxury Life
Diverse
BuzMuzik
Propellor
Eurosport 2

Planet Sad At The Movies - Classic Soft Rock Songs That Accompany Crucial Film Scenes

 The 40-Year-Old-Virgin - Heat Of The Moment

One of the early visual cues in this surprisingly sweet-natured gross-out comedy that Steve Carell's character is a loser is the massive Asia poster on his wall.

If he'd been playing the French horn, this would have been totally OK

That, and his collection of sci-fi action figures, which probably includes that Ken Russell* out of Stargate.

*Yes, James, we know it's really Kurt - please stop being disappointed in us.

So, when Steve finally chases after Catherine Keener to tell her how he really feels about her, he does so to the anthemic strains of Asia's Heat Of The Moment. Comedy mayhem ensues, as does a welcome spot of PRS for John Wetton and Geoffrey Downes.

Boogie Nights - Sister Christian

Having successfully effed up his career as a porn star through a combination of egomania, paranoia and needing to for the sake of the plot, Mark Marky Mark Walhberg finds himself being sucked into a scheme to stiff coked-up-bonkers Alfred Molina in a dodgy drug deal.

And this is the least porno moustache in the whole film...

Molina insists on interrupting the negotiations so everyone can listen to his favourite bit out of Night Ranger's Sister Christian. The moral of this story is that the only thing worse than doing cheap ningle is doing it while listening to an AOR mixtape.

Rock Of Ages - 

No, hang on, no scene is crucial in a film which allows Alec Baldwin to commit such flagrant Girly Bobby Haircut as this...

Planet Sad Amazing 'Shine Sweet Freedom' Lookalikes

Ben Affleck in Argo and Michael McDonald in smooth easy listening mode. Because shirt collars the size of Swindon never really go out of fashion...

Hollywood Stars That Look Like Dinner Ladies

James Spader

Back in his Stargate* days, at least one of us would have given up cheese for a year just for the chance of a quick go on him but sorry, James, these days you're on Turkey Twizzlers duty. Still an improvement on your Lady Di hairdos of the 80s, mind you.

*Yep, we're shallow, which is why Stargate-era James is very disappointed in us.

Planet Sad At The Movies – Winter Sports Special With SEAN BEAN! TWICE!

It had to be done.

The Monday List

Ten Films That Will Inevitably Be Parodied By Any Long Running Comedy/Animation Series

Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory
It's A Wonderful Life
Dracula
The Wizard Of Oz
Night of the Living Dead
Raiders of the Lost Ark
Star Wars
A Christmas Carol
King Kong
Casablanca

Planet Sad TV Review

Ripper Street (BBC1)

Ripper facial hair's about the size of it...

The Monday List

Ten Universal Units Of Measurement

The head of a pin
A postage stamp
A pea
A double-decker bus
An African elephant
A tennis court
A football pitch
A swimming pool (Olympic-sized)
Nelson's Column
Wales