Monday, 31 December 2012
Happy New Year From Planet Sad!
On New Year's Eve, it is traditional for a dark-haired man to bring a lump of coal over the threshold come midnight and usher in luck for the rest of the year. Of course, at Planet Sad Towers, the only thing that's likely to be loitering on our doorstep tonight is...
The Monday List
Ten Things We Fully Expect To Be Over In 2013
Macaroons
Burlesque
The Gangnam Style dance
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
Pop-up meat wagon restaurants
Fifty Shades and any books that want to be Fifty Shades when they grow up
Woolly hats with teddy bear/kitten ears attached
Pinterest
Vajazzling
The Kardashians (but not Bruce Jenner. Bruce Jenner will never be over.)
Macaroons
Burlesque
The Gangnam Style dance
Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux
Pop-up meat wagon restaurants
Fifty Shades and any books that want to be Fifty Shades when they grow up
Woolly hats with teddy bear/kitten ears attached
Vajazzling
The Kardashians (but not Bruce Jenner. Bruce Jenner will never be over.)
Monday, 24 December 2012
The Monday List
Ten Films That Are Heavily Indebted To The Plot Of A Christmas Carol
Scrooged
The Muppet Christmas Carol
A Carol Christmas
Ebbie
Christmas Cupid
Chasing Christmas
It's Never Too Late
Three Wise Women
Mrs Scrooge
Big Fat Important Movie
Scrooged
The Muppet Christmas Carol
A Carol Christmas
Ebbie
Christmas Cupid
Chasing Christmas
It's Never Too Late
Three Wise Women
Mrs Scrooge
Big Fat Important Movie
Friday, 21 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 21 December
It's…
The Mayan Calendar with big, rubbish ginger Adge scrawled on it. Not as funny as if it had been the ADGEtecs or NostrADGEdamus, so can everyone please shut up about it now that we haven't woken up dead. Bored, bored, bored…
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 20 December
It's…
Ray Manzarek! In the absence of actual little cardboard doors for you to open on this calendar, we thought we'd bring you the next best thing – one of The Doors! Ray's possibly best known for the immense twiddly bit at the start of Light My Fire, but all we care about are the immense twiddly bits he had on his face around that time. Ironically, whenever anyone did light a fire, Ray would take a few nervous steps back lest his Adge go up like twin petrol-soaked hay bales. Fact.
(Happy birthday to The Lizard Queen, by the way!)
Ray Manzarek! In the absence of actual little cardboard doors for you to open on this calendar, we thought we'd bring you the next best thing – one of The Doors! Ray's possibly best known for the immense twiddly bit at the start of Light My Fire, but all we care about are the immense twiddly bits he had on his face around that time. Ironically, whenever anyone did light a fire, Ray would take a few nervous steps back lest his Adge go up like twin petrol-soaked hay bales. Fact.
(Happy birthday to The Lizard Queen, by the way!)
Wednesday, 19 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 19 December
It's…
Charlie Rich! Charlie once sang 'No one knows what goes on behind closed doors', but our theory is behind his, he was busy growing this truly remarkable pair of sidies that resemble spaniel's ears. And yes, we did happen to see the most beautiful Adge in the world...
Charlie Rich! Charlie once sang 'No one knows what goes on behind closed doors', but our theory is behind his, he was busy growing this truly remarkable pair of sidies that resemble spaniel's ears. And yes, we did happen to see the most beautiful Adge in the world...
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 18 December
It's…
Johnny Mathis! Crooner, golf fanatic and author of the seminal recipe book, Cooking For You Alone. (We're planning the Planet Sad version, Opening A Tin Of Beans For You Alone.) And when a child is born, whether he's black, white, yellow - no one knows - we only hope he'll be sporting luxuriant face furniture just like Johnny's. Now we're off to listen to The Sh-Adge-ow Of Your Smile. Yup, we did it again.
Monday, 17 December 2012
The Monday List
Ten Music Videos That Are Set In Prison
St Anger - Metallica
Telephone - Lady Ga Ga & Beyonce
LSF - Kasabian
Prayin' - Plan B
Save A Mountain For Me - Godley & Creme
Feeling This - Blink 182
Valerie - The Zutons
They Don't Really Care About Us - Michael Jackson
It's My Life - No Doubt
Love In The Third Degree - Bananarama
St Anger - Metallica
Telephone - Lady Ga Ga & Beyonce
LSF - Kasabian
Prayin' - Plan B
Save A Mountain For Me - Godley & Creme
Feeling This - Blink 182
Valerie - The Zutons
They Don't Really Care About Us - Michael Jackson
It's My Life - No Doubt
Love In The Third Degree - Bananarama
Adgevent Calendar 2012 17 December
It's…
The mystery Welsh rugby fan seen on Clapham Junction station after the Twickers match! We don't know who you are, just that your spectacular Adge would have put JPR's to shame even in his heyday. You had the ’70s locks going on too, but sadly the only cameraphone we had with us at the time had run out of juice. If you read this and you'd care to send us a snap you're a shoo-in for next year's calendar. And if you don't, we salute you and your Cymric Adge anyway!
The mystery Welsh rugby fan seen on Clapham Junction station after the Twickers match! We don't know who you are, just that your spectacular Adge would have put JPR's to shame even in his heyday. You had the ’70s locks going on too, but sadly the only cameraphone we had with us at the time had run out of juice. If you read this and you'd care to send us a snap you're a shoo-in for next year's calendar. And if you don't, we salute you and your Cymric Adge anyway!
Sunday, 16 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 16 December
It's…
Peter Steele, occupying his customary place within the branches. Still missing you and your Adge, Uncle P. RIP. x
Peter Steele, occupying his customary place within the branches. Still missing you and your Adge, Uncle P. RIP. x
Saturday, 15 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 15 December
It's…
Christian Rodska! From biker to Ron Stryker, who was er, actually a biker as well. The shadiest worker on Follyfoot farm, he's workshy and roars around on a Triumph Tiger. But Wikipedia says he was "essentially warm-hearted and loved the horses", so fair play to him. As the theme tune didn't go but should have, "Grow, grow, the Adgevent Tree, don't shave those ’burns too easily!" and Christian certainly let those incredible ginger sproutings flourish! Bonus points for an epic ’70s bob-cum-widow's peak fringe combo too.
Christian Rodska! From biker to Ron Stryker, who was er, actually a biker as well. The shadiest worker on Follyfoot farm, he's workshy and roars around on a Triumph Tiger. But Wikipedia says he was "essentially warm-hearted and loved the horses", so fair play to him. As the theme tune didn't go but should have, "Grow, grow, the Adgevent Tree, don't shave those ’burns too easily!" and Christian certainly let those incredible ginger sproutings flourish! Bonus points for an epic ’70s bob-cum-widow's peak fringe combo too.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 14 December
It's…
Andy McPhee! Sons Of Anarchy is a great show but why did a drama about hairy bikers wait until series three – after an ENTIRE run of Henry Rollins doing his cross face – and drag the action all the way to Belfast before it could serve up some decent Adge? Then, just when we were thinking that SAMBEL President Keith McGee's glorious sidies were well worth the wait, he turned out to be a traitorous rat-bastard, and Ron Perlman got perfectly furious and threw him off a roof. Oh well, that's The Life for you.
Andy McPhee! Sons Of Anarchy is a great show but why did a drama about hairy bikers wait until series three – after an ENTIRE run of Henry Rollins doing his cross face – and drag the action all the way to Belfast before it could serve up some decent Adge? Then, just when we were thinking that SAMBEL President Keith McGee's glorious sidies were well worth the wait, he turned out to be a traitorous rat-bastard, and Ron Perlman got perfectly furious and threw him off a roof. Oh well, that's The Life for you.
Wednesday, 12 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 13 December
It's…
Matthew Arnold! British poet – he wrote Dover Beach, The Scholar-Gypsy and Thyrsis – cultural critic and also inspector of schools. This meant that kids everywhere probably sniggered and called him *heaves sigh* "Matthew ADGE-nold." Those are particularly spectacular chops, mind you. Like a couple of hairy Breville toasties.
Matthew Arnold! British poet – he wrote Dover Beach, The Scholar-Gypsy and Thyrsis – cultural critic and also inspector of schools. This meant that kids everywhere probably sniggered and called him *heaves sigh* "Matthew ADGE-nold." Those are particularly spectacular chops, mind you. Like a couple of hairy Breville toasties.
Adgevent Calendar 2012 12 December
It's…
Midge Ure! The non/less-sweary one out of him and Bob Geldof out of Band Aid, he was the singer out of Ultravox and out of Slik too, a band a lot of people thought was called "Silk" if they'd only seen it written down. Vienna means nothing to him which makes us pity him because we know how it feels to really like somewhere (Bruges). He was married to a woman whose name is rhyming slang for piles, but of course we're most interested in his liking for pointy ADGE topiary. We'll do the MADGE Ure pun because you'll be expecting it now but it's not our fault if it sounds like a Madonna joke.
Midge Ure! The non/less-sweary one out of him and Bob Geldof out of Band Aid, he was the singer out of Ultravox and out of Slik too, a band a lot of people thought was called "Silk" if they'd only seen it written down. Vienna means nothing to him which makes us pity him because we know how it feels to really like somewhere (Bruges). He was married to a woman whose name is rhyming slang for piles, but of course we're most interested in his liking for pointy ADGE topiary. We'll do the MADGE Ure pun because you'll be expecting it now but it's not our fault if it sounds like a Madonna joke.
Adgevent Calendar 2012 11 December
It's…
William Ewart Gladstone! This Liberal politician was Prime Minister four times, Britain's oldest Prime Minister and also Chancellor of the Exchequer. He was known as "The GOM", which stood for "The Grand Old Man" among people who liked him, or "God's Only Mistake" according to Benjamin Disraeli who thought he sucked (but in a Victorian stylee) and obviously didn't foresee Planet Sad. (Although it's pretty obvious that this site has bugger all to do with intelligent design.) Gladstone was also known as "The People's William" which makes him sort of like Lady Di, Princess of Hearts, but with ADGE. So yes, William Ewart GlADGEstone! See what we did there? Again.
William Ewart Gladstone! This Liberal politician was Prime Minister four times, Britain's oldest Prime Minister and also Chancellor of the Exchequer. He was known as "The GOM", which stood for "The Grand Old Man" among people who liked him, or "God's Only Mistake" according to Benjamin Disraeli who thought he sucked (but in a Victorian stylee) and obviously didn't foresee Planet Sad. (Although it's pretty obvious that this site has bugger all to do with intelligent design.) Gladstone was also known as "The People's William" which makes him sort of like Lady Di, Princess of Hearts, but with ADGE. So yes, William Ewart GlADGEstone! See what we did there? Again.
Tuesday, 11 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 10 December
If this entry was an episode of Friends, they'd title it The One With The Scheduling Misfire. And being a Planet Sad production it would have shitter hair. Anyway, it's…
Peter Griffin out of Family Guy, when he was in a rubbish stoned hippie duo with Lois called Handful Of Peter. And he probably had a fight with a giant chicken or a buff hamster after that or something. Whatever. Behold! Cartoon Adge!
Monday, 10 December 2012
The Monday List
Ten Sci-fi Series You've Probably Completely Forgotten About
Star Cops
Hyperdrive
Jason of Star Command
Phoenix 5
Bugs
Moonbase 3
Lexx
The Tripods
Aquila
The Last Train
Star Cops
Hyperdrive
Jason of Star Command
Phoenix 5
Bugs
Moonbase 3
Lexx
The Tripods
Aquila
The Last Train
Sunday, 9 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 9 December
It's...
Canada's Godfather of Grunge is also an ascendant of Adge, with sidies still going strong to this day!
Canada's Godfather of Grunge is also an ascendant of Adge, with sidies still going strong to this day!
Adgevent Calendar 2012 8 December
It's…
Isaac Asimov! Isaac ADGE-simov more like! See what we did there? Again.
Isaac Asimov! Isaac ADGE-simov more like! See what we did there? Again.
Thursday, 6 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 7 December
It's…
Lemmy! He's no Mary but he has a little lamb – one that hopefully understands that "mutton chops" is just a turn of phrase. No sheep were harmed during the making of this entry, although this one looks like "Uncle Ian" gave it a sneaky slug or three from his bottle of Jack just before the shoot. And for those of you who might argue that this isn't technically Adge, just part of a beard, we say, "It's effing LEMMY, OK?!" And we don't use interrobangs lightly on this site.
Lemmy! He's no Mary but he has a little lamb – one that hopefully understands that "mutton chops" is just a turn of phrase. No sheep were harmed during the making of this entry, although this one looks like "Uncle Ian" gave it a sneaky slug or three from his bottle of Jack just before the shoot. And for those of you who might argue that this isn't technically Adge, just part of a beard, we say, "It's effing LEMMY, OK?!" And we don't use interrobangs lightly on this site.
Adgevent Calendar 2012 6 December
It's…
Richard (OK, RichADGE – we did warn you!) Roundtree as John Shaft!
What's the hair grows on his cheeks
And makes the honeys' knees go weak?
ADGE!
Bristly bushes on his face
As he puts the bad guys in their place
ADGE!
You get the idea.
Richard (OK, RichADGE – we did warn you!) Roundtree as John Shaft!
What's the hair grows on his cheeks
And makes the honeys' knees go weak?
ADGE!
Bristly bushes on his face
As he puts the bad guys in their place
ADGE!
You get the idea.
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 – 5 December
It's…
Gaz Coombes formerly out of Supergrass! Why Monkey Man and his ’burns haven't featured in our illustrious (ahem!) line-up before now is a mystery, not to mention a travesty, so here we are putting that right. Maybe we should make some special Adge crackers for Christmas Day, containing stick-on Adge instead of a paper crown and jokes like, "What do men use to keep their sideburns neat and tidy? Gaz Combs!" Gaz released a solo album in May 2012 and co-owns a barn in France.
Tuesday, 4 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 – 4 December
It's…
Peter Saarsgaard! Flaunting his SaarsgaADGE! Yes, by now it'll have dawned on you that that you're in for a month of rubbish puns involving the name "Adge". The expression on Peter's face beneath those sculpted sidies probably sums up how you're feeling so we'll apologise to you now. But not to Peter, oh no. He deserves all he gets for being in that steaming heap of knacker that was Flightplan.
Peter Saarsgaard! Flaunting his SaarsgaADGE! Yes, by now it'll have dawned on you that that you're in for a month of rubbish puns involving the name "Adge". The expression on Peter's face beneath those sculpted sidies probably sums up how you're feeling so we'll apologise to you now. But not to Peter, oh no. He deserves all he gets for being in that steaming heap of knacker that was Flightplan.
Monday, 3 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 – 3 December
It's…
Isambard Kingdom Brunel himself – the first of our special HeritADGE entries on this year's calendar. We're nothing if not educational, and face it, IKB is COOL and NAILS and stuff. In the run-up to Christmas, he laughs in the face of your puny paper chains.
Isambard Kingdom Brunel himself – the first of our special HeritADGE entries on this year's calendar. We're nothing if not educational, and face it, IKB is COOL and NAILS and stuff. In the run-up to Christmas, he laughs in the face of your puny paper chains.
The Monday List
Ten Things We're Really, Really Bored Of Celebrities Doing
Hosting a 'small, intimate' wedding ceremony for their family and closest friends - and the entire readership of Hello! or OK!
Getting injected with so much Botox their face doesn't move, then putting their suspiciously youthful looks down to 'good genes'
Announcing they're engaged to the co-star of their current film
Breaking off said engagement once they've generated enough publicity for the film in question
Buying handbags that cost more than the GDP of Belgium
Launching their own range of designer knickers
Naming their children after soft fruits and cities on the Indian sub-continent
Having 'meaningful' tattoos on shoulderblades, inner arms or tops of the feet
Owning a tiny, tiny dog which they treat as a dressing-up doll
Trying to convince people the best way to lose weight involves living on maple syrup and fresh air
Hosting a 'small, intimate' wedding ceremony for their family and closest friends - and the entire readership of Hello! or OK!
Getting injected with so much Botox their face doesn't move, then putting their suspiciously youthful looks down to 'good genes'
Announcing they're engaged to the co-star of their current film
Breaking off said engagement once they've generated enough publicity for the film in question
Buying handbags that cost more than the GDP of Belgium
Launching their own range of designer knickers
Naming their children after soft fruits and cities on the Indian sub-continent
Having 'meaningful' tattoos on shoulderblades, inner arms or tops of the feet
Owning a tiny, tiny dog which they treat as a dressing-up doll
Trying to convince people the best way to lose weight involves living on maple syrup and fresh air
Saturday, 1 December 2012
Adgevent Calendar 2012 – 2 December
It's…
Kenneth Branagh as Isambard Kingdom Brunel! The main attraction of Danny Boyle's Adgefest, Ken's performance celebrated a man who constructed some of Britain's most magnificent edifices. Then wiped his razor clean and pootled around building a few bridges and stuff.
Kenneth Branagh as Isambard Kingdom Brunel! The main attraction of Danny Boyle's Adgefest, Ken's performance celebrated a man who constructed some of Britain's most magnificent edifices. Then wiped his razor clean and pootled around building a few bridges and stuff.
Happy Sadvent!
Yes, the Sadvent Calendar is back and, by popular demand/just because we could, you know, it's the return of the Adgevent Calendar. So, who's kicking things off?
It's…
Danny Boyle! Why, you ask, given that his sidies in the picture are so small as to be vest-ADGE-ial? Well, as far as we're concerned he's in for bringing us an Olympic Opening Ceremony that was absolutely crawling with mutton chops. Danny, we salute you!
It's…
Danny Boyle! Why, you ask, given that his sidies in the picture are so small as to be vest-ADGE-ial? Well, as far as we're concerned he's in for bringing us an Olympic Opening Ceremony that was absolutely crawling with mutton chops. Danny, we salute you!
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