Ten Signs You Might Be A Character In A Stephen King Novel
You live in a small town in Maine which is gradually being taken over by vampires/aliens/elder gods from another dimension
You are an honest, straightforward but crashingly dull man who will survive to the end of the book while all your more interesting friends are dying horribly
You are undergoing marital problems and are also an alcoholic
You have a mother who is a (not at all caricatured and over the top) fundamentalist religious maniac
You have a really annoying vocal tic/folksy turn of phrase which is shoehorned into every sentence you speak
You are a struggling novelist and are also an alcoholic
You have a supernaturally possessed car/dog/small child
You are a police officer who is, frankly, rubbish at their job
You are an incredibly successful novelist and are also an alcoholic
You were hit by a car and won't chuffing shut up about it
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