The Monday List

Ten People You Probably Didn't Realise Were Born On Boxing Day

Charles Babbage

David Sedaris

Kit Harington

Henry Miller

Lars Ulrich

Jade Thirlwall

Richard Widmark

Dermot Murnaghan

Chairman Mao

Jared Leto

Happy Planet Sad Christmas

 

Greta and Freda Sad and Ukraine president Vlodymyr Zelenskyy wish you all the best for the festive season. And we'd especially like to extend our good wishes to all the Russian bots who will start relentlessly spamming this post from now until the end of time...

The Monday List

Ten Things That Will Inevitably Happen On The Christmas Episode Of Your Favourite TV Show

It will snow on Christmas Day, wherever the show happens to be set

If it's a comedy, there will be a massively heartwarming moment over Christmas dinner

If it's a soap, there will be a massive fight over Christmas dinner

The Christmas tree lights will blow as soon as they're turned on

The couple who've been having a will they/won't they romance will kiss under the mistletoe

Someone is forced to work over Christmas but their friends will rally round to help them have the best one ever

At least one person will receive a gift they absolutely hate

Somebody who is way too old to believe in Father Christmas still does

Someone's grandma/aunty will give them a hideously ill-fitting hand-knitted Christmas jumper

The storyline will turn into a parody of A Christmas Carol/It's A Wonderful Life

The Monday List

The Ten Albums On The Planet Sad Gramophone This Christmas

Slay Belles - RuPaul

A Very Merry Kidz Bop - Kidz Bop Kids

In A Winter Light - Alexander Armstrong

Christmas With The Puppini Sisters - The Puppini Sisters

Make The Yuletide Gay - The London Gay Men's Chorus

Merry Flippin' Christmas Vol 1 - Bowling For Soup

Christmas With Your Neighbours - The Cast From Neighbours

Chris Squire's Swiss Choir - Chris Squire

A Very Kacey Christmas - Kacey Musgraves

Surfin' Christmas - The Wave Benders

Look, Ladies!

 

It's James Spader. With a cat. You're welcome.

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Christmas Cover Versions - Do They Know It's Christmas? Edition

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Black Dyke Mills Band

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Johnny Logan

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Glee Cast

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Acoustic Heartstrings

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Slade

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Little River Band

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Air Supply

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Keith Lemon & Friends

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Cairn String Quartet

Do They Know It's Christmas? - Barenaked Ladies

Starlet Off Of RuPaul's Drag Race Is Very Disappointed In You

 

The Monday List

Ten Things Microsoft Rewards Is Bizarrely Obsessed With

UNESCO World Heritage sites

League of Legends

Spinach

Winners of the Nobel Peace Prize

NBA players

Chemical elements

The UEFA Champions League

European capital cities

Famous philosophers

Dolly Parton

The Monday List

Ten Of The Most Bizarre Barry M Eyeshadow Shades

Whispered

Love Letter

Bewildered

Simmer

Mellowed

Bakewell

Feels

Secret Garden

Honoured

Minotaur

The Monday List

Ten More Films We'd Like To See Turned Into West End Musicals

Audition

Sophie's Choice

Donkey Punch

Antichrist

The Revenant

Saving Private Ryan

Midsomar

Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

American History X

Manchester By The Sea

The Monday List

Riffing Ourselves Into A Frenzy With Another Ten Fake Movies From We Hate Movies We Really Want To Watch

Man's Best Friend: The Cratening

Blues Brothers 3000

Haunted Hobo

Rover Dangerfield 2: CIA Adventure

Snake Hospital

Paul Reiser in Hellreiser

Camera Gun 6: Disposable

Planet of the Robocops

Assault on Fat High

Dracula Dentist

The Monday List

Ten Rejected Titles For Sequels To The Conjuring

The Conjuring: You'll Like It...But Not A Lot

The Conjuring: A Bigger Devil Did It And Ran Away

The Conjuring: Now With More Jump Scares

The Conjuring: Paranormal Activity 3

The Conjuring: It's Your Fault For Buying A House With A Creepy Basement

Tyler Perry's Boo! A Madea The Conjuring

The Conjuring: Really Putting The Willies Up You

The Conjuring: Annabelle vs Predator

The Conjuring: Conjure Harder

The Conjuring: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire

The Monday List

Ten Celebrity Couples You Probably Completely Forgot About - David Walliams Edition

David Walliams and Abi Titmuss

David Walliams and Patsy Kensit

David Walliams and Emily Scott

David Walliams and Jessica Hynes

David Walliams and Ashley James

David Walliams and Lisa Snowden

David Walliams and Geri Halliwell

David Walliams and Keeley Hazell

David Walliams and Lara Stone

David Walliams and Lauren Budd

The Monday List

The Not At All Xenophobic Return Of Ten Fictional Characters With Strangely Unfortunate 'Foreign' Accents

Costas (Tom Conti, Shirley Valentine) - Greek

Basher Tarr (Don Cheadle, Ocean's Twelve) - English

Antonio Corelli (Nicolas Cage, Captain Corelli's Mandolin) - Italian

Jenny Everdeane (Cameron Diaz, Gangs of New York) - Irish

Cantor Rabinovitch (Laurence Olivier, The Jazz Singer) - German

Jonathan Harker (Keanu Reeves, Bram Stoker's Dracula) - English

Danny Archer (Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond) - South African

Teddy KGB (John Malkovich, Rounders) - Russian

Colonel Tom Parker (Tom Hanks, Elvis) - Dutch

Gerry (Gerard Butler, P.S. I Love You) - Irish

David Harewood Is Very Disappointed In You

 

The Monday List

 The Ten Most Bizarre Sanderson Paint Shade Names

Wren Feather

Quaker Drab

Marshmallow Snow

Bastille

Night Fishing

Country Linen

Crystal Palace

Moonsprite

Wisteria Falls

Chasm

The Monday List

Ten Celebrities You Probably Completely Forgot Had Chat Shows

Alec Baldwin

Magic Johnson

Justin Lee Collins

Lily Allen

Martin Short

Queen Latifah

Harry Connick Jr

Sharon Osbourne

Kris Jenner

Russell Brand

The Monday List

Coming Inevitably To An Episode Of Come Dine With Me Near You, It's Ten More Pieces Of Overused Background Music

bad guy - Billie Eilish

It Must Be Love - Madness

Ooh Wee - Mark Ronson and Ghostface Killah

Fiesta - The Pogues

Come And Get Your Love - Redbone

The Seduction - The James Last Orchestra

Paid In Full - Eric B. & Rakim

Hot Hot Hot - Arrows

Ready for the Good Life - Paloma Faith

It's A Man's, Man's, Man's World - James Brown

Roger Federer Retires From Tennis To Spend Time With His Career Prize Winnings

 

The Monday List

Ten More Of The Asylum's Most Shameless Rip-off Film Titles

San Andreas Quake

Operation Dunkirk

Paranormal Entity

Geo-disaster

Planet Dune

Alien Convergence

Top Gunner

Triassic World

Avengers Grimm

Age of Tomorrow

The Monday List

Ten More Music Videos That Feature Appearances From Comedians

Walking on Broken Glass, Annie Lennox - Hugh Laurie

Califonia Love, 2Pac - Chris Tucker

Death To All But Metal, Steel Panther - Sarah Silverman

Where's Your Head At?, Basement Jaxx - Phill Jupitus

The Real Slim Shady, Eminem - Kathy Griffin

Tribute, Tenacious D - Ben Stiller

Rubberband Girl, Kate Bush - Peter Richardson

Music, Madonna - Ali G

Word Up, Little Mix - Chris Barrie

Just In Lust, The Wildhearts - John Sparkes

Politicians Who Could Be Live-action Disney Villains

No 1 in a series of...er...happily ever after: El Salvador's President Nayib Bukele

Looks uncannily like the evil prince whose eye is caught by the bright and spirited, but unwordly heroine, so she needs to be rescued by cute, resourceful animals and the wholesome peasant boy she'll end up with. Who may also turn out to be a prince, obviously.

Footballers Who Sound Like Minor Characters In Star Wars

 No 1 in a series that The Force is not with: Admiral Muskwe, Fleetwood Town

The Monday List

Ten Celebrity Couples You Probably Completely Forgot About - Prince Edition

Prince and Kim Basinger

Prince and Carmen Electra

Prince and Madonna

Prince and Sheena Easton

Prince and Sherilynn Fenn

Prince and Emma Samms

Prince and Heidi Mark

Prince and Vanity

Prince and Nona Gaye

Prince and Sheila E

Bea Arthur Is Very Disappointed In You

 

The Monday List

Ten Music Videos That Feature People Dressed As Food

Sell Out, Reel Big Fish

Agadoo, Black Lace

I Just Wanna Live, Good Charlotte

Something's Gotta Give, All Time Low

All The Small Things, Blink 182

You Need To Calm Down, Taylor Swift

The King Of Rock 'N' Roll, Prefab Sprout

Dressed As Food, The Fleas

Ice Cream, Manila Luzon

Beam Beam, Jeon Soyeon

The Monday List

It's The Delightfully Bucolic Return of Ten Villages That Sound Like Old Actors

Sturminster Marshall

Allerton Mauleverer

Rotherfield Peppard

Danby Wiske

Morton Tinmouth

Newton Ketton

Burley Woodhead

Hutton Bonville

Gisburn Coates

Kirkby Malzeard

The Monday List

Ten Restaurant Trends We're Really, Really Bored Of

Small plates

Street food

Burrata

Food served on anything that isn't a plate

'Gourmet' macaroni cheese

Dishes designed to be photographed rather than eaten

Drinks served in jam jars

Sriracha with everything

Tapas in any cuisine that isn't Spanish

Pulled chuffing jackfruit

The Monday List

The Fist-clenching Return Of Ten Most Clichéd Rock Song Titles

Runaway

In The Morning

Missing You

Don't Stop

Fire

Only You

So Far Away

After Midnight

Born To Lose

Rock Will Never Die

The Monday List

The Ten Weirdest Barry M Nail Varnish Shade Names

Party Ring

Mermaid Tail

Burning Sand

Fashion Icon

Gummy Bear

Crushed Ribbon

Esme's Deep Marine

Whimsical Dream

Acai Smoothie

Electric Eel

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions - Gimme Shelter Edition

Gimme Shelter, Stereophonics

Gimme Shelter, Puddle of Mudd

Gimme Shelter, The Sisters of Mercy

Gimme Shelter, Grand Funk Railroad

Gimme Shelter, Goo Goo Dolls

Gimme Shelter, Patti Smith

Gimme Shelter, Hawkwind

Gimme Shelter, Inspiral Carpets

Gimme Shelter, Stone Sour

Gimme Shelter, Paolo Nutini

The Monday List

Ten Bands That Sound Like Sat Nav Directions

Alter Bridge

Parkway Drive

East 17

Cypress Hill

Madina Lake

Cinder Road

Madison Avenue

Big Mountain

Marcy Playground

52nd Street

The Monday List

Ten Things You Will Inevitably See Groups Of People Dressed As In The Crowd At Cricket Test Matches

Smurfs

Minions

Wally out of Where's Wally?

Captain Jack Sparrow

Mexican bandidos

Bananas

Monty Python-style women with floral teadresses and handbags

Knights of St George

Star Wars stormtroopers

Elvis

Elves (because someone misread Elvis on the email...)

The Monday List

Ten More Of The Worst Band Names Of All Time

Wet Leg

Chunk! No, Captain Chunk!

Death From Above 1979

Jimmy The Hoover

2 Puerto Ricans A Blackman And A Dominican

SeeYouSpaceCowboy

Cry Of The Afflicted

The Airborne Toxic Event

Dale Earnhardt Jr.Jr.

Johnny Hates Jazz

Willy Nilly, It's Milli Vanilli!

 

Great Random Moments In Musical History

 

No 22: Superdrug run a special offer on Shaders and Toners, and Birdland fill their boots...

Egad, It's Hawkwind - Again!

 

The Monday List

Ten Actors Who Sound Like Scottish Villages

Ben Affleck

Kirk Cameron

Cullen Douglas

Holt McCallany

Sterling Beaumon

Kinley Mochrie

Lorcan Cranitch

Blake Lindsley

Doon Mackichan

Glenn Howerton

The Monday List

Ten Things The Daily Express Is Bizarrely Obsessed With

The state pension

High cholesterol

Mrs Hinch

How to pack a suitcase

Parking fines

Princess Diana

Wordle

British expats living in Spain

How to make yourself look five years younger

Whatever tat Aldi is selling cheaply this week

The Monday List

Ten More Of The Most Bizarre Farrow And Ball Paint Shades

Churlish Green

Salon Drab

Elephant's Breath

Preference Red

Stony Ground

Mizzle

Down Pipe

Sulking Room Pink

Pale Hound

Skimming Stone

The Monday List

Ten TV Shows You Didn't Know Had A Soundtrack Album

CSI: Miami

Scrubs

Heartbeat

Trigger Happy TV

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Friends

La Femme Nikita

Moonlighting

Sabrina The Teenage Witch

NCIS

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band Edition

A Whiter Shade of Pale, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

Don't Cry For Me Argentina, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

YMCA, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

Rivers of Babylon, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

You're The One That I Want, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

We Don't Talk Any More, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

Annie's Song, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

Uptown Girl, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin', The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

Japanese Boy, The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band

RIP The Many Facial Expressions Of Ray Liotta

 

The Monday List

Ten Songs That Are One Big Whinge About How Excruciating It Is To Be A Famous Musician

Turn the Page – Bob Seger

Cries in the Night – WASP

Celebrity Skin – Hole

Bullet with Butterfly Wings – Smashing Pumpkins

Wanted Dead or Alive – Bon Jovi

Wasted Rock Ranger – Great White

Remind Me To Smile – Gary Numan

Platz Eins – Lindemann

Castle Walls – TI ft Christina Aguilera

The Lucky One – Taylor Swift

The Monday List

Ten UK Eurovision Entries You Probably Completely Forgot About

The Bad Old Days, Co-Co

Why Do I Always Get It Wrong?, Live Report

No Dream Impossible, Lindsay D

I'm Never Giving Up, Sweet Dreams

Lonely Symphony, Frances Ruffelle

Mary Ann, Black Lace

Go, Scott Fitzgerald

Love Is..., Vikki

Say It Again, Precious

Love City Groove, Love City Groove

The Monday List

Filling A Half Hour Hole In The Schedule After Coronation Street, It's Yet Another Ten Sitcoms You've Probably Completely Forgotten About

Oh No, It's Selwyn Froggitt

All About Me

Ideal

Roy's Raiders

Joking Apart

Eyes Down

Porkpie

Roger Roger

Leaving

'Orrible

The Monday List

Here's Yet Another Ten Songs That Don't Feature The Title In Their Lyrics

Tubthumping, Chumbawamba

Bliss, Muse

Earth Song, Michael Jackson

Weekend In New England, Barry Manilow

Club Foot, Kasabian

Ballpark Incident, Wizzard

Young Turks, Rod Stewart

Kinky Afro, Happy Mondays

Rapper's Delight, The Sugar Hill Gang

After The Gold Rush, Neil Young

The Monday List

Ten Categories You'll Always Find On Your YouTube Recommendations

ASMR ambience rooms

Tribal people eating junk food for the first time

'Life hacks' that don't actually hack anything

Football highlights from every team but the one you support

Somebody endlessly playing Fortnite

Bland American teenagers eating foreign food for the first time

Cats falling off stuff

Film nerds nitpicking popular movies just because they can

'Secret places tourists don't know about' that are so secret you've visited them already

Gordon chuffing Ramsay

The Monday List

Get Your Face Put Back By Ten More Gang Names Taken From TV Tropes.org We'd Like To See In A Remake Of The Warriors

The Naughty Nuns

The Jaded Washouts

The Bumbling Dads

The Apathetic Clerks

The Defrosting Ice Queens

The Royal Brats

The Eerie Pale-skinned Brunettes

The Unlucky Everydudes

The Pregnant Hostages

The Lemming Cops

The Monday List

Guess What, It's Another Ten Artists In Other Artists' Lyrics

Hank Williams - I'm Gonna Get Drunk And Play Hank Williams, Hank Williams Jr.

Aretha Franklin - Hey Nineteen, Steely Dan

Disco Tex and the Sexolettes - Invasion Hit Parade, Elvis Costello

The Rolling Stones - Where Do You Go To My Lovely?, Peter Sarstedt

Fab 5 Freddy - Rapture, Blondie

Prince - The Bad Touch, Bloodhound Gang

Right Said Fred - The Ruler's Back, Jay-Z

Kym Mazelle - Hello, The Beloved

Roy Orbison - Thunder Road, Bruce Springsteen

Jay-Z - Party In The USA, Miley Cyrus

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions - The Puppini Sisters Edition

Heart Of Glass, The Puppini Sisters,

Crazy In Love, The Puppini Sisters

Panic, The Puppini Sisters

Walk Like An Egyptian, The Puppini Sisters,

Girls Just Want To Have Fun, The Puppini Sisters

Shallow, The Puppini Sisters

I Will Survive, The Puppini Sisters

Wuthering Heights, The Puppini Sisters

Could It Be Magic, The Puppini Sisters

Grace Kelly, The Puppini Sisters

The Monday List

Ten Cliches From Every 1980s Music Video

A light bulb exploding

Lengths of chain link fence

Glorious perms styled with enough hairspray to annihilate the ozone layer

The band's lead singer emoting to his indifferent supermodel 'girlfriend'

Clock faces and other random objects floating across the screen

Sheer net curtains billowing 

Women with legs up to their armpits writhing around on sports cars

Arms emerging from walls to grab at people

A calendar with the days going by at high speed

Dancers wearing nothing but exotic body paint

The Monday List

Now That's What I Call The Return Of Ten Songs By Artists You've Never Heard Of Before Since Or During

Levert - Casanova

Shinehead - Jamaican in New York

Susan Cadogan - Hurts So Good

Alex Party - Don't Give Me Your Life

It's Immaterial - Driving Away From Home

Taja Sevelle - Love Is Contagious

Blue Mercedes - I Want To Be Your Property

The First Class - Beach Baby

Young & Company - I Like (What You're Doing To Me)

The Monday List

The Massively Overblown, Three-Octave Range Return Of Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions, Celine Dion Edition 

What A Wonderful World, Celine Dion

I Drove All Night, Celine Dion

Over The Rainbow, Celine Dion

What A Feeling (Flashdance), Celine Dion

Up Where We Belong, Celine Dion and Paul Baillargeon

I Wish, Celine Dion

When I Need You, Celine Deion

Beautiful Boy, Celine Dion

Fever, Celine Dion

When I Fall In Love, Celine Dion and Clive Griffin

The Monday List

Ten Sci-fi TV Shows You Probably Completely Forgot About

Jason Of Star Command

Gemini Man

Early Edition

Phoenix Five

Lexx

The Lone Gunmen

Star Cops

Hyperdrive

Kinvig

The Monday List

The Ten Best Irene Handl Character Names

Miss Harker-Parker (The Pure Hell of St Trinian's)

Clinging Ivey (Supergran)

Mrs Crumbling (Rhythm Serenade)

Miss Friggin (Adventures of a Private Eye)

Mrs Bugle (Dirty Work)

Mother Fink (Come Spy With Me)

Crystal Pallise (Mum's Boys)

Mrs Gammon (Small Hotel)

Ramona Pank (Barney Is My Darling)

Miss Slenderparts (Confessions of a Driving Instructor)

The Monday List

The Long Overdue Return Of Ten Guests Who Appear To Be Compulsory On Any Comedy Panel Show

Tom Allen

Rosie Jones

Geoff Norcott

Henning Wehn

James Acaster

Nish Kumar

Josie Long

Milton Jones

Josh Widdicombe

Sara Pascoe

The Monday List

The Ten Manliest Frank Grillo Character Names

Teddy Murretto, Copshop

Chainsaw Angus, Below The Belt: Brawl At Donnybrook

Frank Campana, Warrior

Dallas Walker, Ida Red

Roy Pulver, Boss Level

Joe Romano, iMurders

Bob Dozier, Hell On The Border

Leo Barnes, The Purge: Election Year

Mike Dixon, Disconnect

Terry Malone, Black and Blue

The Monday List

Ten Rejected Ideas For Tyler Perry's Madea Films

A Madea Bank Holiday Monday

A Madea Diwali

A Madea Bris

A Madea Koningsdag

A Madea Vicarage Tea Party

A Madea Shrove Tuesday

A Madea Guy Fawkes' Night

A Madea Festivus

A Madea Hogmanay

A Madea International Talk Like A Pirate Day

The Monday List

Ten More Rejected Ideas For 'Now' Compilation Albums

Now That's What I Call Gregorian Chant

Now That's What I Call Acts Who Came Third On The X-Factor

Now That's What I Call Songs Everybody Thinks They Can Do At Karaoke But Can't Nail The Key Change

Now That's What I Call Difficult Jazz

Now That's What I Call Things From Your Older Sister's Record Collection You Secretly Like But Won't Admit To

Now That's What I Call Landfill EDM

Now That's What I Call Only Has Twelve Plays On Spotify

Now That's What I Call National Rail Enquiries Hold Music

Now That's What I Call Remind Me Again, Is This Coldplay?

Now That's What I Call Nul Points At Eurovision

The Monday List

Break Out The Canned Laughter For Another Ten Sitcoms You've Probably Completely Forgotten About

The Upchat Line

Small Potatoes

Clarence

Get Back

The Baldy Man

Fairly Secret Army

World Of Pub

Dossa and Joe

I Didn't Know You Cared

Tandoori Nights

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions - Daniel O'Donnell Edition

Help Me Make It Through The Night - Daniel O'Donnell

Daydream Believer - Daniel O'Donnell

Save Your Love - Daniel O'Donnell

If I Said You Had A Beautiful Body Would You Hold It Against Me - Daniel O'Donnell

Wind Beneath My Wings - Daniel O'Donnell

Da Doo Ron Ron - Daniel O'Donnell

Is This The Way To Amarillo - Daniel O'Donnell

Let's Twist Again - Daniel O'Donnell

Sweet Caroline - Daniel O'Donnell

I Have A Dream - Daniel O'Donnell

The Monday List

The Ten Best Scottish Gritter Names

Gritney Spears

Yes Sir Ice Can Boogie

Sir Salter Scott

Penelope Gritstop

Buzz Iceclear

Sled Zeppelin

Han Snow-lo

David Plowie

Brine Freeze

You Only Grit Ice