The Monday List

Ten People You Probably Didn't Know Were Born On Christmas Day

Quentin Crisp

Conrad Hilton

Alannah Myles

Armin van Buuren

Noele Gordon

Desireless

Lew Grade

Rod Serling

Louise Bourgeois

Merry Planet Sad Christmas

 

Greta and Freda Sad and this delightful assortment of polite and cultured Sheffield Wednesday fans wish you the happiest of Christmases. On an unrelated note, Neil Warnock is appearing as Mother Goose at the Hippodrome Theatre, Darlington...

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Christmas Cover Versions, Winter Wonderland Edition

Winter Wonderland, Stryper

Winter Wonderland, The Cocteau Twins

Winter Wonderland, Isla St Clair

Winter Wonderland, Air Supply

Winter Wonderland, Ringo Starr

Winter Wonderland, The Mini Pops

Winter Wonderland, Kathie Lee Gifford

Winter Wonderland, Pinky and Perky

Winter Wonderland, Jason Mraz

Winter Wonderland, Shakatak

The Monday List

The Ten Records On The Planet Sad Gramophone This Christmas

Always Piste At Christmas, Deckchair Poets

A Very She & Him Christmas, She & Him

Mini-Pops Christmas, Mini-Pops

The Mighty Tubadors Merry Christmas Album, The Tubadors

Punk Goes Christmas, Various Artists

Home For Christmas, Susan Boyle

Christmas Disco, P.K. And The Sound Explosion

Merry Christmas...Have A Nice Life, Cyndi Lauper

You've Ruined Christmas For Everyone, Aquamuffin

Christmas From The Land of Song, The Massed Male Choirs Of Morriston Orpheus, Treorchy And Pontardulais With The Band Of The Welsh Guards Song

The Monday List

Ten Playmobil Playsets We Really, Really Want This Christmas

Alpine Cow Parade

Woodland Grove (includes foxes, badgers, wild boar family, toadstools – and haystacks, for some reason)

Chemistry Class

Three Soldiers / Three Pirates – either will do nicely, thanks

Borussia Dortmund Goalkeeper

FunPark Pickup with Camper (more wholesome than it sounds)

Barbarian Take Along Fort

Farmer’s Market – comes with peaked cap, five turnips and 2 sets of cucumbers, among many, many other things

Pianist with Piano – channelling Rick James for some reason

Harvester (combine, not the casual dining chain)

The Monday List

Ten More Roses That Are Named After Actors

Henry Fonda

Liv Tyler

Felicity Kendal

Audie Murphy

Ginger Rogers

Julie Andrews

Brigitte Bardot

Gina Lollobrigida

Charlotte Rampling

June Whitfield

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions, Jimmy Nail Edition

Love Don't Live Here Any More, Jimmy Nail

Once In A Lifetime, Jimmy Nail

Walking On The Moon, Jimmy Nail

Lady D'Arbanville, Jimmy Nail

Day After Day, Jimmy Nail

Overjoyed, Jimmy Nail

Loves Me Like A Rock, Jimmy Nail

Something, Jimmy Nail

House Of The Rising Sun, Jimmy Nail

The Last Time, Jimmy Nail

The Monday List

Ten Movies That Feature Speedboat Chases, Just Because They Can

The World Is Not Enough

Puppet On A Chain

Face/Off

Striking Distance

Moonraker

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The Tourist

Amsterdamned

Live and Let Die

The Monday List

A Further Ten Of The Worst Band Names Of All Time

Then Jericho

Stack Waddy

HourHouse

4 Non Blondes

Eighth Wonder

Tonto's Expanding Head Band

Modern Talking

Alisha's Attic

Crispy Ambulance

Kissing The Pink

The Monday List

Hot On The Heels Of Plane, Ten More Transport-Themed Action Movies We'd Love To See Gerard Butler Star In

Cross-Channel Ferry

National Express Coach

E-bike

Combine Harvester

Barge

Mobility Scooter

Pogo Stick

Camper Van

Pedalo

Roller Skate

The Monday List

Ten More Bands Who Have Songs With Their Name In The Title

Hi Tension

Bad Religion

Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly

New Kids On The Box

The 1975

Damn Yankees

Minor Threat

Sigur Rós

Kajagoogoo

The Colour Field

The Monday List

Ten Acts Who Had Their James Bond Theme Tunes Rejected

Blondie, For Your Eyes Only

Saint Etienne, Tomorrow Never Dies

Johnny Cash, Thunderball

Alice Cooper, The Man With The Golden Gun

Pet Shop Boys, The Living Daylights

Straw, The World Is Not Enough

Julie Rogers, You Only Live Twice

Radiohead, Spectre

Phyllis Hyman, Never Say Never Again

Ace Of Base, Goldeneye

The Monday List

Ten More Of The Most Bizarrely Named Beers From The Uiltje Brewing Company

Life's Like A Bock Of Chocolates

Owl Bundy

Three Letter Word With A Tea

Peacock On Acid

Brewersjuice, Brewersjuice, Brewersjuice

You Get An IPA! And You Get An IPA! Aaaahhhhhh! Everybody's getting an IPA!!

Superb-Owl

I'm Never Going To Financially Recover From This

Calvin & Hops

Sorachi Stingrays From The Abyss

The Monday List

Clearing The Dancefloor In A Matter Of Seconds, It's The Return Of Ten Songs By Acts You've Never Heard Of Before Since Or During

Change of Heart - Change

Come On Dance, Dance - Saturday Night Band

Girlie Girlie - Sophia George

Comin' On Strong - Broken English

Susanna - Art Company

Breakin' - Ollie And Jerry

I'll Be Good - Renee and Angela

Trapped - Colonel Abrams

From East To West - Voyage

I Don't Wanna Lose You - Kandidate

The Monday List

Ten Roses That Are Named After Actors

Elizabeth Taylor

Cary Grant

Audrey Hepburn

Doris Day

Hannah Gordon

Michael Crawford

Ingrid Bergman

Betty White

James Mason

Susan Hampshire

The Monday List

Ten Things We're Really, Really Bored Of in Modern TV Detective Series

The main character being a maverick cop who plays by their own rules

The station pathologist who's so immune to death they're constantly eating while they perform an autopsy

The chief constable who's constantly at loggerheads with our hero yet has a grudging respect for their unorthodox approach to crime solving

The main character having a fondness for a bizarrely specific musical genre, usually difficult jazz, because this somehow humanises them

If the detective is male, they have a boring wife/girlfriend who hates how they are really married to the job

If the detective is female, they have a boring wife/girlfriend who hates how they are really married to the job

The action being based in a part of the UK that allows for lots of long, lingering drone shots of the most recognisable local landmarks

The main character having to deal with a parent who's suffering from dementia, because this somehow humanises them

The entire investigating team decamping to their local bar to discuss the case at the drop of a hat

The ridiculously high proportion of bent cops at the heart of every single investigation

The Monday List

Ten Rejected Titles For My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3

My Bigger, Fatter, Greeker Wedding

My Big Fat Greek One-night Stand

My Big Fat Greek Hen Party

My Big Fat Greek Divorce

My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Zombie Acropolis

My Big Fat Greek Wedding: The Legend Of Curly's Gold

My Big Fat What's A Greek Urn? 30 Drachmas A Week

It's All Big Fat Greek To Me

Tyler Perry's Big Fat Greek Wedding

My Big Fat Greek Wedding: Based On The Novel Push By Sapphire 

The Monday List

The Ten Punniest Names Of Rat Brewery Beers

Bad Rattitude

Ratsputin

The Rat Of Khan

Anth-rats

Dark Ratanic Mills

Rat Hot Chilli Peppers

Rata Benitez

We Plough The Fields And Ratter

Unholy Ratrimony

Sepp Ratter

The Monday List

A Mad, Mad Cannonball Run In Their Flying Machines: Ij River Edition

Op klompen! The Planet Sad Bank Holiday movie chase sequence returns, because why not? And this time the action (such as it is) is taking place on Amsterdam's Ij river, since we had a lot of Dutch stuff we wanted to gratuitously mention. Tiptoeing through the watery tulips are:

A Lovers canal tour boat

The Pannenkoekboot, serving pancakes, more pancakes, and some typically Dutch arm-waving singalong numbers

The Supper Club big gay disco boat, belting out Hazell Dean at 1000 decibells

Van der Valk in his houseboat, being all moody and pining after some bird

The F2 ferry to Ijplein

A Viking river cruise ship, off to do a scenic promo to fit between episodes of Vera on ITV3

A massive barge taking a load of coal or car parts or something to Germany

Another massive barge bringing a load of coal or car parts or something back from Germany

A couple of blokes in a glorified rubber dinghy, downing a six-pack of Heineken and hoping to catch a few fish

Two tourists on a pedalo who took a wrong turn at the end of the Herengracht

The Flying Dutchman

The Bulldog Coffeeshop boat, somehow managing to make getting stoned appear about as much fun as clipping your toenails

The Monday List

Ten Signs You May Be In A Buddy Cop Movie

For unknown reasons, your partner is a member of the opposite sex/dog/alien

Your immediate boss is two days away from retiring, which means he will most likely be senselessly murdered in the next fifteen minutes

You are unable to hold a conversation in anything other than wisecracks

The chief wants you in his office. Now!

You're in a car chase, during which 95 per cent of the vehicles owned by the local police department will be destroyed

You are a loner with a very short fuse and your partner is a loving family man

Failing that, you are a loving family man and your partner is a loner with a very short fuse

You have a long-suffering wife just doesn't get 'the job'

You're investigating a murder conspiracy that could go all the way to the top

You are Judge Reinhold

The Monday List

Because We Haven't Done This For, Ooh, At Least Five Minutes, It's The Ear-Assaulting Return Of Ten More Unnecessary Cover Versions

No Regrets, Midge Ure

Respect Yourself, The Kane Gang

No More Tears (Enough Is Enough), Kym Mazelle & Jocelyn Brown

Iko Iko, Natasha

Only You (And You Alone), Child

Montego Bay, Amazulu

She's Not There, UK Subs

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted, Dave Stewart and Colin Blunstone

Stairway To Heaven, Far Corporation

Under The Boardwalk, Bruce Willis

The Monday List

The Ten Most Bizarre Variety Names For Roses

Tottering-By-Gently

Bright As A Button

Joseph's Coat

Happy Retirement

A Whiter Shade of Pale

Diamond Dad

Narrow Water

Champagne Moment

Eyes For You

It's A Wonderful Life

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions, Susan Boyle Edition

Enjoy The Silence, Susan Boyle

Perfect Day, Susan Boyle

Wish You Were Here, Susan Boyle

Imagine, Susan Boyle

Angels, Susan Boyle

The Winner Takes It All, Susuan Boyle

Don't Dream It's Over, Susan Boyle

Like A Prayer, Susan Boyle

Wild Horses, Susan Boyle

Mad World, Susan Boyle

The Monday List

Ten More Films You Completely Forgot Were Turned Into Musicals

A Time To Kill

The Color Purple

Gone With The Wind

The First Wives Club

Almost Famous

Eating Raoul

The Smallest Show On Earth

Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown

The Secret Of My Success

Barbarella

The Monday List

Ten More Awards Planet Sad Will Sadly Never Win

AARP Best Movie For Grownups

Superleague Man of Steel

Countryside Alliance Village Shop & Post Office Of The Year

British Knitting Awards Number One Overall Yarn Brand For Crochet

Retail Risk Management Best Newcomer

The Golden Chopsticks Best Dumpling

British Wills And Probate Awards Best Contentious Wills And Probate Team

Meat Businesswoman Of The Year

The Grocer Outstanding Product: Festive Sweet

Kebab Van Of The Year

The Monday List

Ten Songs By Artists You've Never Heard Of Before, Since, or During, Part 108 In A Series

Just Another Day, Jon Secada

Would You?, Touch And Go

I Will, Ruby Winters

Sex and Candy, Marcy Playground

I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker (With Flowers In My Hair), Sandi Thorn

Don't Push It, Don't Force It (Let It Happen Naturally), Leon Haywood

Baby Shark, Pinkfong

(Do) The Hucklebuck, Coast To Coast

Can You Handle It, Sharon Redd

The Groove, Rodney Franklin

Andrei Rublev, Brush Your Hair!

 

Judy Murray Is Still Very Disappointed In You

 

The Monday List

Ten More Chocolate Bars You'd Probably Completely Forgotten About

Bar Six

Mars Delight

Pyramint

Astros

Ice Breaker

54321

Nuts About Caramel

Wispa Mint

Fry's Five Centres

Applause

The Monday List

The Ten Punniest Names For Hair Salons

Scissors Palace

Hairport

Jack The Clipper

Cutting Edge

Hair Force One

Ace of Braids

Deb N Hair

Trim and Tonic

Upper Cut

Hair Razors

The Monday List

Ten Of The Most Bizarrely Named Beers From The Uiltje Brewing Company

Pinky And The Grain

I'm Blue Da-Ba-Pea

A Well Dressed Snazzy Jazzy Jacket

One Small Step For Owl, One Giant Leap For Craft Beer

Why No Run From The Tomahawk Tornado

Have You Ever Been Yellow

Not So Happy, Hoppy Kitty Kat

Goths Of The Falconers Fashion Week

Some Nelson Before Christmas

Smokey The Pear

The Monday List

Ten Films Featuring A Fight In A Hall Of Mirrors

The Lady From Shanghai

Birds of Prey

Skyscraper

The New Kids

My Name Is Nobody

John Wick Chapter 2

The Man With The Golden Gun

Enter The Dragon

The Guest

Manhattan Murder Mystery

The Monday List

Ten Unnecessary Cover Versions, Hallelujah Edition

Hallelujah, Bon Jovi

Hallelujah, Tangerine Dream

Hallelujah, Andre Rieu and his Johann Strauss Orchestra

Hallelujah, Susan Boyle

Hallelujah, Popa Chubby

Hallelujah, Johnny Mathis

Hallelujah, Neil Diamond

Hallelujah, Katherine Jenkins

Hallelujah, Richard Clayderman

Hallelujah, Bono

The Monday List

The Ten Most Punnily Named Tattoo Parlours

The Mad Tatter

Inkantations

What's Love Got Tattoo With It?

Wishful Inkin

Distinktion

Monsters Ink

Ink Dependent

Sins and Needles

Rumple Ink Skin

Killer Inkstinct

The Monday List

Ten Celebrities You Probably Forgot Spent Time In Prison

Johnny Vaughan

Pete Doherty

Stephen Fry

John Alford

Boy George

Linzi Drew

Ian Brown out of the Stone Roses

Grooverider

Leslie Grantham

Gino d'Acampo

Heads Of State Who Look Like Evil Disney Villains

No 1 in a series of inappropriately bursting into song while surrounded by anthropomorphic items of crockery:

Nayib Bukele, President of El Salvador

The Monday List

Ten More Bizarre Beer Names From Cloudwater Brew Co.

A Wave In The Marlborough Sounds

The Windows Were Golden

Human Meanings

A Path Untravelled

The Light Grey One

Participate In This Area

The Interiors Of Striving Organisms

Tilt Your Head Back And Relax

Are We Unique?

The Canal At St Marks

The Monday List

Ten More UK Eurovision Entries You Probably Completely Forgot About

Where Are You?, Imaani

Teenage Life, Daz Sampson

Love Games, Belle & The Devotions

Say It Again, Precious

Give A Little Love Back To The World, Emma

Only The Light, Rikki

One Step Further, Bardo

Hold On To Our Love, James Fox

Don't Play That Song Again, Nikki French

Runner In The Night, Ryder

The Monday List

Ten More Game Shows You've Probably Completely Forgotten About

Pets Win Prizes

Alphabetical

Incognito

Ejector Seat

Pass The Buck

Think Tank

Raise The Roof

The Fuse

Cross Wits

Playing For Time

The Monday List

The Ten Most Bizarre Playmobil Playsets

Bank Robbery

Children's Medical Area

Leonidas & Xerxes (aka 300 for six-year-olds)

Alpaca Hike

Comfortable Living Room

Dog Sitter

Bedroom With Sewing Corner

Hercules' Twelve Labours

Dart Player

Portable Toilet

The Monday List

The Ten Least Convincing Rock Musicians In Film History

Faith Justin (Juliette Lewis), Strange Days

Chris 'Izzy' Cole (Mark Wahlberg), Rock Star

Ricki (Meryl Streep), Ricki and the Flash

Joe Rasnick (Michael J. Fox), Light of Day

Marianne Lane (Tilda Swinton), A Bigger Splash

Nicky Marotta (Robin Johnson), Times Square

Sherrie Christian (Julianne Hough), Rock of Ages

Brian Slade (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), Velvet Goldmine

Crassie Cassie (Cara Delevigne), Her Smell

Ellen Aim (Diane Lane), Streets of Fire

The Monday List

Ten Celebrity Couples You Probably Completely Forgot About - Caprice Bourret Edition

Caprice Bourret and Kevin Pietersen

Caprice Bourret and Rod Stewart

Caprice Bourret and Tony Adams

Caprice Bourret and Lee Ryan out of Blue

Caprice Bourret and Robert Curtis

Caprice Bourret and Calum Best

Caprice Bourret and David Spade

Caprice Bourret and Alex Davis

Caprice Bourret and Fred Durst out of Limp Bizkit

Caprice Bourret and Robert Tchenguiz

The Monday List

The Ten Most Pun-tastic Fish and Chip Shop Names

The Right Place

The Frying Squad

Codrophenia

Friendchips

Frydays

The Contented Sole

A Fish Called Rhondda

The Almighty Cod

Fishcotheque

Good Pie Mr Chips

The Monday List

Ten Musicians Who Held Political Office, Just Because They Could...

Sonny Bono

Peter Garrett out of Midnight Oil

Dana

John Hall out of Orleans

Martha Reeves

Reuben Blades

Einar Örn ougt of The Sugarcubes

Gilberto Gil

Youssou N'Dour

Peter Wishart out of Runrig

The Monday List

Ten More Of The Most Bizarre Barry M Eyeshadow Shades

Mining

Intrigued

Pumice

Success

Hairstreak

Flushed

Pounce

Map

Charged

Purr

The Monday List

Five Celebrities Who've Made Cameo Appearances On Coronation Street...

Sir Cliff Richard

Bernard Manning

Cheryl Tweedy

Status Quo

Peter Schmeichel

...And Five Who've Made Cameo Appearances On EastEnders

HRH King Charles

Robbie Williams

Boris Johnson

Nick Grimshaw

Harry Redknapp

The Monday List

Ten Celebrities Who've Made Cameo Appearances In The Archers

Sir Bradley Wiggins

John Peel

The Duchess of Cornwall

Mike Gatting

Alan Titchmarsh

Zandra Rhodes

Sir Terry Wogan

HRH Princess Margaret

Kirstie Allsopp

The Pet Shop Boys

The Monday List

And Another Ten Actors Who've Fronted Ad Campaigns While Clearly Wondering Where Their Acting Career Went...

Robert De Niro (Warburtons)

Gerard Butler (Enterprise Rent-a-car)

Jeff Bridges (Amstel)

Joan Collins (Snickers)

David Schwimmer (TSB)

Dame Judi Dench (Money Supermarket)

Ewan McGregor (Expedia)

Jeff Goldblum (Raid Shadow Legends)

Jason Donovan (People's Postcode Lottery)

Helena Bonham-Carter (Sofology)

The Monday List

Ten Catwalk Categories We Really Want To See On RuPaul's Drag Race UK

Primarni

Wearing Pyjamas For The School Run Chic

Fifty Shades Of Beige

Chucking-out Time At Chicken Cottage

Dragged Through A Hedge Backwards

Frumpy Librarian

Junk From The Middle Aisle At Lidl Design Challenge

Bacon Explosion

Crimplene Eleganza

Night Of A Thousand Su Pollards

The Monday List

Ten Truly Scary Children's Programmes You've Probably Completely Forgotten About (Unless They're Still Making You Hide Behind The Sofa)

Ace Of Wands

The Tomorrow People

Wail Of The Banshee

Children Of The Stones

Echoes Of Louisa

Century Falls

Raven

The Changes

Shadow Of The Stone

The Demon Headmaster

The Monday List

Ten Celebrity Couples You Probably Completely Forgot About - Lenny Kravitz Edition

Lenny Kravitz and Natalie Imbruglia

Lenny Kravitz and Marissa Tomei

Lenny Kravitz and Kate Moss

Lenny Kravitz and Chelsea Handler

Lenny Kravitz and Vanessa Paradis

Lenny Kravitz and Kylie Minogue

Lenny Kravitz and Nicole Kidman

Lenny Kravitz and Devon Aoki

Lenny Kravitz and Michelle Rodriguez

Lenny Kravitz and Naomi Campbell

Amazing 'What Rugby Jokes Did Next' Lookalikes!

Yes, it's...Welsh rugby no 15 Liam Williams and Lois Griffin out of Family Guy, both suffering what we believe is known in the medical profession as a spot of boob trauma. Damn you and damn the leeks!

The Monday List

The Ten Most Bizarre Beer Names From Cloudwater Brew Co.

The Seed Which Cannot Be Sown

I Have Become The Boat

A Fire By The Bines

The Interior Life And The External World

Dank Is Short For Danke

Twelve Yellow Legs

I Say We And I Mean You And I Don't Know How

A Scabrous Edge Of The Sky

The Little Pump House At Kinder Reservoir

Is The Spider Small?

The Monday List

No Doubt About To Surface On Talking Pictures TV, It's Ten More Sitcoms You've Probably Completely Forgotten About

Sadie, It's Cold Outside

The Grimleys

Lame Ducks

The Kit Curran Radio Show

Big School

An Actor's Life For Me

The 10%ers

Paradise Island

Roll Over Beethoven

The Upchat Connection

The Monday List

Going Out In The Head-to-Head, It's The Long Overdue Return Of Ten More Default Answers In Any Episode Of Pointless

Djibouti

John Quincy Adams

Praesodymium

The Avengers: Age of Ultron

B*witched

Greenshank

Big Train

Lansing, Michigan

Dolores Claiborne

Benedict Wong

The Monday List

Ten More Children's Programmes You've Probably Completely Forgotten About

Graham's Gang

The Lost Islands

Smith and Goody

Doctor Snuggles

Clapperboard

The Flockton Flyer

Madabout

Hey, Hey, It's Saturday!

Gilbert's Fridge

The Kids From 47A

The Monday List

Ten Things That Will Be Over in 2023

Small plates restaurants

Non-fungible tokens

Puff sleeves

Squid Game

Burrata

Pigtails

Air fryers

Plogging

Flouncing off Twitter only to flounce back onto it a few days later

The Kardashians