Monday 26 December 2011

The Monday List

Ten Shows On Really TV Whose Title Is The Most Interesting Thing About Them

Can Fat Teens Hunt?
Dawn Porter: Extreme Wife
I Want To Be A Hilton
Twiggy's Frock Exchange
Who'll Age Worst?
Spa Of Embarrassing Illnesses
Baby Borrowers

Sex With Mum And Dad
Hair Battle Spectacular
House Of Tiny Tearaways

Sunday 25 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 25 December

It's…























CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAS! 
Who else could we have in our top festive spot but Noddy Holder? We salute him for decades of services rendered to the cause of Adge, and the Lolloping Leafleteer, who has met him, says he was an all-round lovely bloke – which is what really counts during the season of goodwill, eh readers?

Friday 23 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 24 December

It's...



















Jarred Christmas! Looking a tad forlorn because it's not actual Christmas yet. Don't fret Jarred, only one more sleep to go...

Thursday 22 December 2011

And On The (Gridlocked) Road To (Festive) Hell Right Now…


Adgevent Calendar - 23 December

It's…























Cartoon Clooney! Sorry, George, we were going to let you have a "go" as a special treat for Christmas, but you're looking a little drawn.

Wednesday 21 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 22 December

It's…























JPR Williams then and now! If the 1970s were a golden era for Welsh rugby, they were a platinum era for ostentatious Adge. Sadly, Japes is not so jolly in this more current picture – possibly because he'd just been done for drink driving, despite having had the presence of mind *AHEM!* to suck coins in an attempt to beat the breathalyser. Or maybe it's because his once luxuriant ginger chops are now merely silvery shadows of their former selves. Get a grip, JPR – don't bring shame on Adge like Henson brings shame on Wales.

Tuesday 20 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 21 December

It's…























Monkey and Pigsy! These two put the Adge into Monkey magic and proved, week after week, that the nature of Adge is irrepressible!

Monday 19 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 20 December

It's…























Jemaine Clement out of Flight Of The Conchords! He's the one who isn't Bret McKenzie, whose Adge has already had a good going-over on Planet Sad (though not as good a going-over as all the fangirlies who liked Bret as that elf in Lord Of The Rings would like to give him). And – er – that's about it, really...

X Factor Rejects Who Look Like Dinner Ladies

(As opposed to X Factor rejects who will probably end up as dinner ladies)

Number one in a field of one, Frankie Cocozza
 

Sunday 18 December 2011

The Monday List

Ten Catchphrases Used By Guy Fieri On Every Episode Of Diners, Drive-ins And Dives

Off the hook
Out of bounds
Killer
Winner, winner, turkey dinner
Driving the bus to Flavour Town
On point
That's money
Here on Triple D
And that's all she wrote
It's bananas - and bananas is good

Adgevent Calendar - 19 December

It's…























Ludacris! Let us take a moment to admire a man who clearly designs his Adge with the aid of an Etch-a-sketch, a man whose entourage puts the 'ho' into 'ho-ho-ho', a man who inspires us to wish you all a Merry Ludacris-mas!

Saturday 17 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 18 December

It's…























Starsky and Hutch! This is the Adge your mother tuned in to Saturday night TV for, because who couldn't resist a man in stack heels and a belted cardie? Just looking at that facial hair makes us want to throw ourselves out of a warehouse window, land on the roof of a car and look at our bestie in a homo-erotic fashion. The 1970s were weird, weren't they?

Friday 16 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 17 December

It's…























Tommy Craig as Inspector Brackenreid out of the Murdoch Mysteries! You know, it's that programme on the Alibi channel that isn't 20-year-old repeats of Taggart or Trevor Eve's Waking The Audience. Anyway, Tommy's role requires him to fail to solve crimes and be outacted by his Victorian mutton chops, both of which he does with aplomb. In his spare time, he supports Sheffield Wednesday, and apparently has a dog that claws his sofa (DFS, natch) when they lose. We don't know what it does when they win, because he's only owned it for three years...

Thursday 15 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 16 December

It's…




Pete Steele! Oh, Uncle Peter, why did you have to leave us? This picture is from his notorious photo set for Playgirl. We're told he had a massive wang but we couldn't tear our eyes away from his Adge!

Wednesday 14 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 15 December

It's…























Mike Dirnt! You know, pointy sidies bloke out of Green Day, responsible for such classics as B-Adge-ket Case and American Adge-iot, but chiefly known for pulling a face that looks like he's been plonked unceremoniously on top of a Christmas tree. He's also got the world's dullest Wikipedia page (what, you think we put in extensive research on these entries when we could be sat in front of Noise Squad chowing down on hot and spicy Monster Munch?), but then he is a bass player...

Tuesday 13 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 14 December

It's…























Jackson Rathbone! Out of Twilight. Way too fucking pleased with himself. Next!

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day

Ooh, look! It's Conan the Barbarian. No, not Arnold Schwarzenegger, the other one. You know, him. No, of course we can't remember his name. All we know is that he appears to be entirely composed of pectoral muscles and carefully applied perspiration, and he's about to do something so unspeakably manly it will rip the fabric of the known universe apart. Probably.

Monday 12 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar - 13 December

It's…























Annie Lennox, Aaron Johnson and Lady Gaga! In no particular order.

Annie kicked it off back in the ’80s by proving Sweet Dreams (and the nightmares of confused young men) are made of 20p-worth of velcro stuck to your cheeks. Aaron kicked ass and played John Lennon on the big screen – ImADGEine!

And OMG! FFS! (As the young folks would put it when they're not smoking, snogging or duffing each other up behind some bins.) Gaga, try to be original just for once, eh? Enough of ripping off of Madonna (M-Adge?)! And who hasn't danced blasphemously in their knickers while little Norman Reedus, barefoot and lipstick-smeared in their bathtub, tries terribly hard not to corpse?

The Monday List

Nine Incidental Characters (Plus One Prop) We’re Strangely Obsessed With


Leonardo Acropolis in Blackadder – JAY-nius!
The bloke in a stetson who asks for Cristal’s autograph in Showgirls – Texas Sex Pest
Policeman 2 in Withnail & I – “Getinthebackofthevan!”
Planet Ay The Apes in Trainspotting
Jerry the pool boy from Dinocroc vs Supergator – “That I do, sir!”
The rasta on the bicycle in Thelma & Louise
Rob Reiner’s mother in When Harry Met Sally – “I’ll have what she’s having!”
Spike Milligan in The Life Of Brian – 'Yea, he cometh to us... like...' *gives up and stooges off*
Cynthia Knickerbocker, Zombie Killer of the Week, in Zombieland
George Clooney’s sex ramp in Burn After Reading!

Sunday 11 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 12 December

It's…























The MastADGE, out of Stargate! Which probably has actual Adge under its locks and bridle, we reckon. We'll level with you. At least one of us has envied and resented this hapless, innocent creature for years, on account of it being hand-fed chocolate by James Spader before dragging him off for the ride of his life. Then we discovered that "in universe", the species went extinct because its native planet was blown up. That makes us sad.

Sad enough that we want to give little grubby Dougal here
a cuddle and go "There, there, there..."

Saturday 10 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 11 December

It's…























Huge Ackman and Liev Schreiber! Yes, we are aware that these prodigious sidies were grown for X-Men Origins: Wolverine and not just for shits and giggles – Adge gratia artis and all that. But we've been told by our so-called "friends" at HRT TV – The Channel For The Change! that either we include the duo or they'll cut off the early-warning system that tells us CLOONEY is at large and sniffing around for "a go". So thanks a bunch, ladies, but whatever – it's the season of goodwill, so enjoy these with your mince pie and scoop of Baileys Haagen-Dasz. Bah.

Friday 9 December 2011

Adgevent Caldendar - 10 December

It's…























Christopher Lee! We were all set to post a picture of him as Lord Summerisle out of The Wicker Man, using Adge to accessorise a lovely yellow polo-neck and tweed – then up popped this gem. If ever Adge could impregnate a scullery maid simply by brushing up against her, then blame the indiscretion on a stable boy and, without the slightest pang of guilt, thrash him to within an inch of his sorry life for it, it would surely be this Adge. We also like Christopher's song about girl drinks from The Return Of Captain Invincible. Bottoms up!

Thursday 8 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 9 December

It's…























Dave Grohl! Lead singer of the popular beat combo The Foo Fighters, Mr Grohl cordially invites you to admire the colour and the shape of his Adge. He earns the Planet Sad seal of approval for being a man who appreciates the fact facial fungus is always a winner when teamed with items of ladies' apparel - check out the video for Low if you don't believe us, but don't blame us if you never look at big, butch truck drivers in the same way again. That's if you looked at them in the same way before, of course...

Wednesday 7 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 8 December

It's…























Ray Dorset out of Mungo Jerry! In the summertime, when the weather is hot, this much Adge could cause fatal heat exhaustion. But it's winter, so bring it on!
Many thanks to the Lolloping Leafleteer for nominating him!

Planet Sad's Ridiculously Manly Film Still Of The Day

Ooh, lots of big men with machine guns, and Ralph Fiennes lounging around in a menacingly butch fashion. No, it's not a wine and cheese party round Planet Sad Towers; instead, it's a pic from a reboot of Coriolanus so gritty an oyster is currently surrounding it with mother of pearl. And yup, Gerard Gerard Butler is lurking in the background, probably doing penance for that awful rom com he made with Jennifer Aniston and wishing he was back in SPAAARTAAAA!...

Tuesday 6 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 7 December

It's…























Paul Bettany! He's something of a serial Adge-fender, sporting sidies in (at the very least) Creation and Master And Commander – The Far Side Of The World. In the former, he plays Charles Darwin and the latter sees him visit the Galap-Adge-gos Islands, doubtless on a quest to classify face fuzz as a Natural Selection/Survival Of The Fittest-type thing – like it gives Evolution something to hang on to, perhaps. Anyway, Bettany, we've rumbled you, and if you'd be so kind as to nip down to 4 December, Edgar Winter and his brother Johnny would like a word with you about your role in The Da Vinci Code

Monday 5 December 2011

The (Free)View From Planet Sad

We were going to review The Referees DVD for you, but we now suspect our copy may be a knock-off.

Adgevent Calendar - 6 December

It's…



















Lion-O out of Thundercats!
No, this isn't the steroid Pokémon/teatime cartoon version we were expecting. In fact it looks more like Wolverine (or, OK, Marcus Akin off of Big Brother 10) did it with Rihanna and then it was who'd have thought it. (By which we mean she gave viviparous birth.) But it's got better Adge than any other picture of Lion-O, and it's all about Adge right now so this is what we went with.

The Monday List

Ten Celebrity Great Long Jessies


Luke Charteris
Darren Boyd
Bruce Spence
Alexander Skarsgård
Will Ferrell
Peter Steele (RIP)
Donald Sutherland
RuPaul
Krist Novoselic
Neil Flynn

Sunday 4 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 5 December

It's…



















Starburns out of Community! Because Adge doesn't get more festive than this, unless you happen to have the entire Nativity on your chops and a Little Donkey topiary in your shirt moustache or something. We'd stick him on top of the Christmas tree, but we have other plans for that. Oh yes we do...

Saturday 3 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 4 December

It's…



















Edgar Winter! Something for the gentlemen this time! An anagram of his name is "Adge Twin Err", so double the kudos for that. And it's, like, winter too. But he mucks it up a bit for himself with this, aside from the obvious jabot crime:













Us? Planet Sad? Listening to music for PEOPLE? Oh here go hell come!

Adgevent Calendar – 3 December

It's…




















RichADGE ADGEmitage! Gisburne with sideburns! Something for the laydeez, especially our mates at HRT TV – The Channel For The Change!

Thursday 1 December 2011

Adgevent Calendar – 2 December

It's…



















Jim Kelly! Because we love his Adge-fro and as well as kicking bum as Williams in Enter The Dragon, he's also been in films called Black Belt Jones, Black Belt Jones 2, Hot Potato, Afro Ninja and The Amazing Mr No Legs. Look them up if you don't believe us.

Wednesday 30 November 2011

Adgevent Is Upon Us!

Following the (ahem!) success of last year's Sadvent Calendar, we're doing the same thing again this year. But with sideburns. And to kick things off, here's the trope namer himself…



















Mr Adge Cutler! Fire up the comboine ’arvester and mull yer zoider! Oh, and click on the picture if you want to avoid eyestrain!

Tuesday 29 November 2011

Monday 28 November 2011

The Monday List

Ten Default Answers In Any Episode Of Pointless

The Netherlands
Dire Straits
Emile Heskey
Antimony
Futurama
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley
Kyrgyzstan
Dag Hammarskjöld
Gelsenkirchen
Dark Side Of The Moon

Wednesday 23 November 2011

Amazing Pointless Lookalikes!












The Bear from Bo' Selecta! and Richard "Pointless Friend" Osman.

"Shut up, Xander, you knob jockey! What he's trying to say is if one of you rasclarts gives a Pointless answer, my tail will pop out. Unless the answer is CHRISTINE HAMILTON! CHRISTINE HAMILTON! CHRISTINE HAMILTON!"

(And have you EVER seen either of them NOT sitting down in his chair? We rest our case.)

Monday 21 November 2011

The Monday List

Ten New Gangs We'd Like To See In A Remake Of The Warriors

The Rugby Sevens
The Red-Headed Stepchildren
The Skinny Lattes
The Puppy Boys
The Fucko The Clowns
The Muscle Marys
The Preening Lovelies
The Dominant Size Queens
The Jam Villains
The Griff Rhys Riffs

And, arguably, The Not Appearing In This Films

Monday 14 November 2011

The Monday List

Ten Songs You've Never Heard Of Before, Since Or During - Eighties Edition!

History, Mai Tai
I Can't Wait, Nu Shooz
It's Too High, Matt Fretton
Da Da Da
, Trio
Let The Music Play, Shannon
Rhythm Of The Jungle, The Quick
Obsession, Animotion
Somebody's Watching Me, Rockwell
Tantalise, Jimmy The Hoover
Funkytown, Lipps Inc.


Friday 11 November 2011

WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.


This rugby player brings SHAME on his COUNTRY.



















Oh, do naff orf, Tindall – we don't mean you, we mean HIM.



Monday 7 November 2011

The Adge Files


















Magnificent salty old sidies, courtesy of the late Robert Shaw as Captain Quint, out of Jaws.










We're guessing somebody got their gills tickled as those beauties went down. Farewell and adieu to ye!




Raul Meireles, Please Come Home!

The rest of Rammstein miss you...

The Monday List

Ten Actors Who Prove You Can Go From Taggart To Hollywood

John Hannah
Ken Stott
Ewen Bremner
Dougray Scott
Henry Ian Cusick
Alan Cumming
Greg Wise
Aiden Gillett
Robert Carlyle
Jason Isaacs

Tuesday 1 November 2011

Amazing X-Horny Lookalikes!











X Factor wannabe Misha B and the KLF's Justified Ancients Of Mu Mu

Monday 31 October 2011

The Monday List

Ten Things We're Really, Really Bored Of With Hallowe'en

Slutty Hallowe'en costumes, especially nurses and policewomen

TV companies who think it's not at all predictable to screen one of the Hallowe'en films on the night
Ineptly carved pumpkin lanterns
Anything being described as 'spooktacular'
Blokes who jump at the excuse to dress in drag a bit too eagerly
Cynical 'gruesome' versions of things, like Jaffa Cakes with ghoulish green goo that are just the same old Jaffa Cakes with different food colouring
Kids setting off all the dancing witches and skeletons on the supermarket shelf
Parties where you're forced to bob for apples and play 'murder in the dark'
Puns about 'ghoulies' and 'putting the willies up you'
Trick or chuffing Treaters

Wednesday 26 October 2011

Monday 24 October 2011

Amazing 'How Bizarre' Lookalikes!



Gordon Smart from the Sun's Bizarre column and Joel McHale from - er - taking the mickey out of people who appear in the Sun's Bizarre column, probably...

The Monday List

Ten Guests Who Appear To Be Compulsory On Any Comedy Panel Show
Jack Whitehall
Miranda Hart
Greg Davies
David Mitchell
John Bishop
Reginald D. Hunter
Shappi Khorsandi
Jimmy Carr 
Sean Lock
Andi Osho

Friday 21 October 2011

Rock Stars Who Look Like Crazy Cat Ladies

No 1 in what is a field with very little competition: Mikkey Dee, Motorhead

Tuesday 18 October 2011

Planet Sad At The Movies


















Click on the image to avoid eyestrain!

Monday 17 October 2011

The Monday List 2 (Topical Bonus Edition)

Top Ten Utter Cocks As Voted For By Welsh Rugby Fans
  1. Gavin Henson
  2. Gavin Henson
  3. Gavin Henson
  4. Gavin Henson
  5. Gavin Henson
  6. Gavin Henson
  7. Gavin Henson
  8. Gavin Henson
  9. Gavin Henson
  10. Alain Rolland

The Monday List

Ten Tiny Man/Huge Wife Combos

Bernie and Flavia Ecclestone
Rod Stewart and Penny Lancaster
Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman
Mick Jagger and L'wren Scott
Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni
Jamie Cullum and Sophie Dahl
Sylvester Stallone and Brigitte Nielsen
Mickey and Jan Rooney
Dudley Moore and Susan Anton
Andrea Vianini and Jodie Kidd

Saturday 15 October 2011

Following A TRAVESTY OF JUSTICE...



Sam Warburton is comforted by Thing out of The Addams Family.

Monday 10 October 2011

The Monday List

The Ten Most Professionally Gobby Celebrities

Sally Bercow
Liam Gallagher
Pete Burns
Margi Clarke
Jon Gaunt
Terry Christian
Lily Allen
Robbie Williams
Kelly Osbourne
Any woman who's ever appeared on The Real Housewives Of New Jersey

Saturday 8 October 2011

The Adge Files

French Rugby Union No5 Maxime Médard

"JPR who?"