Ten Costumes You’ll Inevitably See At Least One Bloke Wearing At A Fancy-Dress Party
The Terminator (complete with tinfoil stuck to his face)
Captain Jack Sparrow
Braveheart
Ali G
Borat in his lime-green mankini
Little Bo Peep
A 118 bloke – particularly tragic if he’s on his own, not half of a pair
Freddie Mercury from the I Want To Break Free video
A Jedi knight, with a chocolate-brown Slanket as his robe
One of the Village People (NB, it’s guaranteed that if a bunch of mates agree to dress as the Village People, at least two will turn up in the same costume. Usually because someone doesn’t want – or desperately wants – to be the Leather Daddy.)
Monday 31 May 2010
Saturday 29 May 2010
Blokes Whose Names Sound Like A Business Partnership Between Two Famous Women Called Penny
No1 in a series of… Hmm, we wonder…
Marshall Lancaster
Friday 28 May 2010
Obligatory speculation on the "Chashley" divorce!
Is it because he's having it off with Sarah Palin?
Monday 24 May 2010
The Monday List
Ten Cover Versions That Are Better Than The Original
Smooth Criminal, Alien Ant Farm
One Vision, Laibach
Because The Night, Patti Smith
Hurt, Johnny Cash
Tainted Love, Soft Cell
Supernaut, 1000 Homo DJs
Cinnamon Girl, Type O Negative
Isolation, Therapy?
Word Up, Gun
Go West, Pet Shop Boys
Smooth Criminal, Alien Ant Farm
One Vision, Laibach
Because The Night, Patti Smith
Hurt, Johnny Cash
Tainted Love, Soft Cell
Supernaut, 1000 Homo DJs
Cinnamon Girl, Type O Negative
Isolation, Therapy?
Word Up, Gun
Go West, Pet Shop Boys
Monday 17 May 2010
The Monday List
Ten More Celebrities Who Look Like Potatoes
Ian Hislop
Kenny Jackett
Mel Smith
Judy Finnegan
Tom Hanks
Phil Collins
Jimmy Page
Karren Brady
Ian MacNeice
Jonathan Meades
Ian Hislop
Kenny Jackett
Mel Smith
Judy Finnegan
Tom Hanks
Phil Collins
Jimmy Page
Karren Brady
Ian MacNeice
Jonathan Meades
Wednesday 12 May 2010
Pub Chain Owners Who Look Like Dinner Ladies
No 1 (and if anyone finds any more, we'll be impressed): Tim Martin, JD Wetherspoon
Monday 10 May 2010
The Monday List
The Ten Skinniest Men In Rock
Chris Robinson, The Black Crowes
Trent Reznor
Dave Sharp, The Alarm
Huw Lloyd-Langton
Steve Howe
Angus Young
Johnny Borrell
Iggy Pop
Bobby Gillespie
Justin Hawkins
Chris Robinson, The Black Crowes
Trent Reznor
Dave Sharp, The Alarm
Huw Lloyd-Langton
Steve Howe
Angus Young
Johnny Borrell
Iggy Pop
Bobby Gillespie
Justin Hawkins
Monday 3 May 2010
The Monday List
It's A Mad, Mad, Cannonball Rat Race In Their Flying Machines
As it's Bank Holiday Monday, somewhere in the TV schedules will be a film featuring a ludicrously extended chase sequence, during the course of which some of the protagonists in the chase must go down a hill, through a pane of glass and plough into a pile of empty boxes which have been conveniently left by some waterfront warehouses. On Planet Sad, the cast of this chase would include:
A crap metal band, probably called Tokyo something, in an elderly Transit van
A double glazing van with one of those triangular things on top
An Irishman in a green suit with a pig under his arm
Henry Rollins, in a dress, crying
A sarcastic Northern detective, played by George Costigan
Some bikers
A confused pensioner, driving the wrong way down the motorway in a Morris Traveller
Two blokes from the CIA who’ve wandered into the wrong film by mistake
A TV licence detector van
Benny Hill, pursued by a little bald bloke, three girls in bikinis and a traffic warden with her skirt ripped off revealing her suspenders
A London Borough of Tower Hamlets mobility bus
Herbie the Love Bug
An overweight Mexican on a very small mule
The ice cream van that drives round the Rhondda playing We’ll Keep A Welcome In The Hillsides
The Kon-Tiki
The nun on the ambulent piano from Chessington World of Adventures
The Arkansas Chug-a-bug
A Sinclair C5
The brown station wagon that drives down Northcote Road in Clapham with pictures of Haile Selassi and the Royal Family stuck to it
The Scooby Doo Mystery Machine
A bloke with road rage, smashing up his own Ford Sierra with a baseball bat
Three builders in a white van, all with faces like a bag of smashed crabs, leching after any passing female
The Tardis
The Rotherham Round Table Carol Bus, blasting out O Come All Ye Faithful
Barry Manilow in a stretch limo, pursued by a camper van full of Maniloonies
Emerson, Lake and Palmer in their articulated lorries with ‘Emerson’, ‘Lake’ and ‘Palmer’ written in six-foot high letters on the top
Monkey on his little pink cloud
A couple of nuns on bikes with their habits flying up exposing their bare bums
Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman, riding the length of South America on Harley Davidsons, just because they feel like it
One of the Eagles out of Space:1999, dangling on a very visible piece of string
Robbie Williams on his motorised toilet
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Dean Martin and Bing Crosby in a golf cart
Chris Boardman and his missus on a tandem, dressed as bees
Al Murray the Pub Landlord on his mobile bar
The 't Ij brewery van
Half-a-dozen St Trinian's schoolgirls on a railway handcart
Anna Ryder Richardson, dangling out of a helicopter on a bungee rope
The Liberator out of Blake’s 7
Jeremy Clarkson, attempting to drive a Reliant Robin up Kilimanjaro, just because he can
As it's Bank Holiday Monday, somewhere in the TV schedules will be a film featuring a ludicrously extended chase sequence, during the course of which some of the protagonists in the chase must go down a hill, through a pane of glass and plough into a pile of empty boxes which have been conveniently left by some waterfront warehouses. On Planet Sad, the cast of this chase would include:
A crap metal band, probably called Tokyo something, in an elderly Transit van
A double glazing van with one of those triangular things on top
An Irishman in a green suit with a pig under his arm
Henry Rollins, in a dress, crying
A sarcastic Northern detective, played by George Costigan
Some bikers
A confused pensioner, driving the wrong way down the motorway in a Morris Traveller
Two blokes from the CIA who’ve wandered into the wrong film by mistake
A TV licence detector van
Benny Hill, pursued by a little bald bloke, three girls in bikinis and a traffic warden with her skirt ripped off revealing her suspenders
A London Borough of Tower Hamlets mobility bus
Herbie the Love Bug
An overweight Mexican on a very small mule
The ice cream van that drives round the Rhondda playing We’ll Keep A Welcome In The Hillsides
The Kon-Tiki
The nun on the ambulent piano from Chessington World of Adventures
The Arkansas Chug-a-bug
A Sinclair C5
The brown station wagon that drives down Northcote Road in Clapham with pictures of Haile Selassi and the Royal Family stuck to it
The Scooby Doo Mystery Machine
A bloke with road rage, smashing up his own Ford Sierra with a baseball bat
Three builders in a white van, all with faces like a bag of smashed crabs, leching after any passing female
The Tardis
The Rotherham Round Table Carol Bus, blasting out O Come All Ye Faithful
Barry Manilow in a stretch limo, pursued by a camper van full of Maniloonies
Emerson, Lake and Palmer in their articulated lorries with ‘Emerson’, ‘Lake’ and ‘Palmer’ written in six-foot high letters on the top
Monkey on his little pink cloud
A couple of nuns on bikes with their habits flying up exposing their bare bums
Ewan McGregor and Charlie Boorman, riding the length of South America on Harley Davidsons, just because they feel like it
One of the Eagles out of Space:1999, dangling on a very visible piece of string
Robbie Williams on his motorised toilet
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Dean Martin and Bing Crosby in a golf cart
Chris Boardman and his missus on a tandem, dressed as bees
Al Murray the Pub Landlord on his mobile bar
The 't Ij brewery van
Half-a-dozen St Trinian's schoolgirls on a railway handcart
Anna Ryder Richardson, dangling out of a helicopter on a bungee rope
The Liberator out of Blake’s 7
Jeremy Clarkson, attempting to drive a Reliant Robin up Kilimanjaro, just because he can
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