Wonders Of The Universe Drinking Game

Presented in association with HRT TV – The Channel For The Change!

Ah, Professor Brian Cox. The face, body and trendy haircut (with just the right amount of authoritative grey) that has sparked countless "shag him or mother him?" aneurysms in women of a certain age, not to mention innuendoes about how they wouldn't mind colliding with his Large Hadron. Yeah, ha ha, fanny first and it sounds a bit like "hard-on" – we got it the first time, thanks. Anyway, while watching Wonders Of The Universe the other night, inspiration for a great new drinking game washed over us like a hot flush. And playing couldn't be simpler!

• Choose your favourite tipple.
• When you spot anything on the list below, drink one shot of it, unless instructed otherwise.

See? Easy! So here goes…

1. Pouty Brian.
2. Toothy Brian.
3. Brian by a campfire. If there’s a tent as well, invitingly lit from the interior, drink an extra shot.
4. Brian somewhere remote, looking small and insignificant.
5. As above, and he looks all shivery as well – one shot of Aftershock, or if that’s already your chosen tipple, Bovril. That’ll learn you!
6. Sudden switch from a freezing cold location (Brian all snuggled up in a massive parka) to somewhere blisteringly hot (Brian in shades and a tight-fitting T-shirt or vest top).
7. Brian sticks out like a sore thumb as the only white person at an exotic-looking foreign festival.
8. Brian uses something tweely simple, like building sandcastles with a kiddie bucket and spade or blowing bubbles, to explain a complex scientific concept – one shot of something sickly sweet.
9. As above, but you’re not quite sure when it stops being gentle, ironic whimsy with the viewer in on the joke and starts being patronising – two shots.
10. Brian looks pensive – two shots if he’s in silhouette.
11. Brian’s arse.
12. Brian’s arse as he strikes a pensive pose – two shots.
13. Brian walks away from the camera which focuses on his arse – in motion!
14. Brian gets so gleefully enthusiastic about a topic that he giggles or stammers coquettishly.
15. As above, and he says the word “physics” within the next minute – two shots.
16. Brian says “And that’s why I luv physics!” – finish the bottle.
17. Brian plays a musical instrument to remind us he was in D:Ream. And Dare.
18. Brian sweating just enough to look suggestively post-coital rather than “Ewww, gross!”
19. Brian disses astrology. (And hair of the dog next day if Jonathan Cainer spits his dummy about it.)
20. The camera lingers on Brian at the end of a scene for a split second longer than is strictly matey or professional.

HAPPY HANGOVER!