The Monday List

A Mad, Mad, Cannonball Rat Race In Their Flying Machines: Nautical Edition

Avast behind! The Planet Sad Bank Holiday movie chase sequence returns - but this time it's taken to the water. Sinking swiftly into the briny depths are:

The floating Chinese restaurant from Millwall Dock
The Supperclub big gay disco boat
The Royal Yacht Britannia
The Mary Celeste
Katherine Copeland and Sophie Hoskins, winning a gold medal in the women's lightweight
double sculls, crying
The USS Ponce
A Bruges tourist boat with abrasions from not quite making it under a low bridge
A swan, trying to break someone's arm with its wing
The Mersey Pirate
The Kapitein Kok steamboat
Dame Ellen MacArthur sailing single-handed around the world, crying
The Firm Boat Party boat, whipping its way down to the Thames Barrier and back
A slutty Captain Jack Sparrow on his way to a Hallowe'en party
The Poseidon, upside down and with Shelley Winters trying to swim for rescue
The Tuxedo Princess, with most of the Newcastle United first team partying on the
dancefloor
The Tattershall Castle
Captain Pugwash and his crew
Captain Beaky and his crew, who've wandered into the wrong chase sequence by mistake
A very small longboat which Jim Carrey is using to give his hamster a Viking funeral
Gentle Ben driving a hovercraft
The MS Tor Scandinavia out of Triangle, last seen heading for Gothenburg
A lone skinny-dipper who's about to be gobbled up by a great white shark
A women's formation water skiing team
The African Queen
A traditional Welsh coracle
An untraditional English coracle, scooping stray footballs out of the water outside Shrewsbury's Gay Meadow
The Argo, being pursued by a Ray Harryhausen stop-motion statue
A flotilla of Euro-sailors with a ludicrous amount of gold braid on their epaulettes
The Winkelvoss twins, failing to win anything at the Henley Regatta because one of them is
really just some random tall bloke with Armie Hammer's face CGI-ed on him
The smouldering remains of the Cutty Sark
Thunderbird 4
Ben Fogle and James Cracknell, rowing across the Atlantic naked, crying
Some wreckers, trying to lure all of the above onto the rocks