Ten awards we'd really like to see presented at this year's BRITS
Best international haircut
Artist most likely to be working in a fast food restaurant in six months' time
The Coldplay Paradise award for most overused piece of background music
Outstanding achievement in recreational drug consumption
The 'album bought purely to make its owner look cool' award
Artist who wouldn't have a career if it wasn't for the invention of autotune
Most gratuitous use of a gusset shot in a music video
Mumford & Sons folk right off award
Artist with most fans willing to repeatedly vote for them via a premium rate phone line
Lifetime award for still being alive
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