Planet Sad can exclusively reveal that, following Christine 'too much gum' Bleakley's defection to the GMTV sofa, another BBC superstar is set to join her. Yes, that tuft at the front of Alan Shearer's hair has finally decided to detach and go solo, working on the theory that, to be honest, it has more personality than Ben Shepherd. Details of the contract are yet to be formally released, but it's rumoured the tuft will be on £1.4 million and three crates of Tresemmé finishing spray a year.
Mr Shearer himself was unavailable for comment, but we understand that on his return to England from South Africa, his first official engagement minus tuft will be to visit the children's ward at Newcastle General Hospital, where he will be talking the patients into a coma...
Must stay awake... Must not close eyes...
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