The Adge Files

Sealed in a lead-lined canister, at the bottom of a pit even deeper than the one we dug round the back of Planet Sad Towers in case Clooney comes back with his sex ramp, wanting a go, our paranormal face fungus investigators found an item marked The Most Irritating Adge In The World. Against their better instincts, they opened it and found...

...the bloke from the Safestyle UK windows advert!

Hurriedly, they resealed the can and poured half a ton of quick-setting concrete over it, to prevent such an eldritch abomination ever escaping into the world. But on dark winter's nights, even through their triple-glazing, the words 'You buy one sideburn, you get one free. You buy one sideburn, you get one free...' can still be heard floating through the air...